Monday, May 14, 2012
Small London Party In 2010 At Some Point
Jazz: Dickhead.
Kinitawowi: Taxi.
Bally: Synonyms.
---
Cazzle: I don't oppose kidney beans on moral grounds.
---
Cazzle: I've been told I cough in a judgemental fashion.
---
Bally: Sorted yourself out, have you?
Cazzle: I gave it a poke.
---
Christine: I have boobs made of money, Eileen!
---
Cazzle: I was like, "Bugger this!"
Bally: That was your username, wasn't it?
Kinitawowi: Taxi.
Bally: Synonyms.
---
Cazzle: I don't oppose kidney beans on moral grounds.
---
Cazzle: I've been told I cough in a judgemental fashion.
---
Bally: Sorted yourself out, have you?
Cazzle: I gave it a poke.
---
Christine: I have boobs made of money, Eileen!
---
Cazzle: I was like, "Bugger this!"
Bally: That was your username, wasn't it?
Sandhurst Party May 20th-22nd 2010
H: Come into our boudoir...
Callie: Do you say that to everyone, or just the people you *really* like?
---
CosmicAvatar: I was going to say I'll give you a meaty one, Helen.
---
CosmicAvatar: Oh Freeview my butt.
Callie: Now there's an offer...
---
CosmicAvatar: Do you want to prick it?
---
CosmicAvatar: I do like the sitdown photoshoots. They hide my double chin.
Callie: And show your cleavage.
---
Callie: Guinness is a food group.
---
Bally: Two things: I apologise for making your bathroom smell of man, and this towel needs to be taken to the place that towels go to to die.
---
*Iron Man is on. Tony Stark's home comes into view*
Bally: Welcome to my overground lair.
Sam Spade: It's Tracy Island!
Bally: Dammit, you topped me! You scum.
---
Callie: It's a cruller - we're respecting it.
---
Callie: I got asked if I was Greek the other day.
Bally: What did you say?
Callie: My career as a spy is still on.
---
Sam Spade: I *want* people to ask about my T-shirt. 'Look - knobs!'
---
CosmicAvatar: I think I'm happy with my tiger pee.
---
CosmicAvatar: In theory we should prohibit peeing during the drinking game.
Bally: So we'll get really drunk and piss ourselves?! Wahoo!
---
CosmicAvatar: How old is he [Matt Smith]? 21?
Bally: 27.
CosmicAvatar: Fair game! Wahoo!
---
CosmicAvatar: Simon says...
Sam Spade: Pervy.
---
CosmicAvatar: [on the table beneath her TV] It's like an altar - candles, pictures, small sacrificial goat...
Sam Spade: You shouldn't talk about Simon that way.
---
Jazz: You pumping up the wrong hole, then?
---
Jazz: Is it firm like an 18-year-old's buttocks?
---
Sam Spade: Can I borrow the pump? Otherwise, I'll keep people up with my squeaking.
---
*Sam Spade has just taken a picture of CosmicAvatar. He shows it to her*
CosmicAvatar: No! Stop! Delete it immediately!
Sam Spade: Beep beep - beep. There we go.
---
CosmicAvatar: [on Treacle] She likes being smacked.
---
Jazz: It's lovely outside. Lovely, lovely, lovely.
Sam Spade: We did outside yesterday.
---
CosmicAvatar: Simon, will you do the honours with me? Snigger.
---
Callie: [watching Doppelgangland] He's still called 'Percy', though.
---
Nemesis: I watched it [Twilight] because I'll watch anything with Robert Pattinson in it. Preferably on mute.
Callie: Do you say that to everyone, or just the people you *really* like?
---
CosmicAvatar: I was going to say I'll give you a meaty one, Helen.
---
CosmicAvatar: Oh Freeview my butt.
Callie: Now there's an offer...
---
CosmicAvatar: Do you want to prick it?
---
CosmicAvatar: I do like the sitdown photoshoots. They hide my double chin.
Callie: And show your cleavage.
---
Callie: Guinness is a food group.
---
Bally: Two things: I apologise for making your bathroom smell of man, and this towel needs to be taken to the place that towels go to to die.
---
*Iron Man is on. Tony Stark's home comes into view*
Bally: Welcome to my overground lair.
Sam Spade: It's Tracy Island!
Bally: Dammit, you topped me! You scum.
---
Callie: It's a cruller - we're respecting it.
---
Callie: I got asked if I was Greek the other day.
Bally: What did you say?
Callie: My career as a spy is still on.
---
Sam Spade: I *want* people to ask about my T-shirt. 'Look - knobs!'
---
CosmicAvatar: I think I'm happy with my tiger pee.
---
CosmicAvatar: In theory we should prohibit peeing during the drinking game.
Bally: So we'll get really drunk and piss ourselves?! Wahoo!
---
CosmicAvatar: How old is he [Matt Smith]? 21?
Bally: 27.
CosmicAvatar: Fair game! Wahoo!
---
CosmicAvatar: Simon says...
Sam Spade: Pervy.
---
CosmicAvatar: [on the table beneath her TV] It's like an altar - candles, pictures, small sacrificial goat...
Sam Spade: You shouldn't talk about Simon that way.
---
Jazz: You pumping up the wrong hole, then?
---
Jazz: Is it firm like an 18-year-old's buttocks?
---
Sam Spade: Can I borrow the pump? Otherwise, I'll keep people up with my squeaking.
---
*Sam Spade has just taken a picture of CosmicAvatar. He shows it to her*
CosmicAvatar: No! Stop! Delete it immediately!
Sam Spade: Beep beep - beep. There we go.
---
CosmicAvatar: [on Treacle] She likes being smacked.
---
Jazz: It's lovely outside. Lovely, lovely, lovely.
Sam Spade: We did outside yesterday.
---
CosmicAvatar: Simon, will you do the honours with me? Snigger.
---
Callie: [watching Doppelgangland] He's still called 'Percy', though.
---
Nemesis: I watched it [Twilight] because I'll watch anything with Robert Pattinson in it. Preferably on mute.
London Party 19th-20th February 2010
*on things that trigger the outdoor lights*
Callie: There's been at least one fox.
Bally: *pointing to kirielle and Callie* There's at least two foxes, baby!
---
H: I used to fancy my cousin. She was very good-looking, though.
---
CosmicAvatar: After you've had it [c-word] said to you for a full minute, you're pretty hardened.
---
Kinitawowi: *during discussion on vegetarianism and such* If you don't eat meat but you eat chicken... you're just lying to yourself, basically.
---
Bally: Even the tourist guide describes it [Custom House] as "a bit stabby".
---
Kinitawowi: The calmest place in Custom House is possibly my bedroom.
---
Jazz: *to CosmicAvatar* So, how is it going with the eating of the roadkill?
---
Leenylana: There's not a lot in the quotebook.
CosmicAvatar: I haven't been here that long.
---
CosmicAvatar: I don't mean to belittle you.
Bally: Of course you do, you evil harlot!
CosmicAvatar: Up yours, bitch!
---
H: *on Supernatural* He [Jared Padalecki] farts a lot, doesn't he?
CosmicAvatar: Oh my God, the gag reel!
H: There's a reason it's called the gag reel.
---
CosmicAvatar: Black and white! That makes drunkenness look good.
---
Jazz: *on CosmicAvatar's confession* What did you do? What did you stain? Where did you vomit? Where did you piss? Who did you shag inappropriately?
---
Jazz: Amanda's getting moisture all over me! I don't like it!
---
Jazz: You will not get Jazz wet! I'm wet, but not in a good way.
---
Leenylana: *reading quotebook* Oh, I'm so funny!
---
Jazz: Everyone, Finger Of Judgement!
CosmicAvatar: I love fingering!
---
Leenylana: My finger needs a wash!
---
*CosmicAvatar has spilled dip*
Jazz: Go on, woman, lick it up!
*pause as kirielle passes Bally the quotebook*
Jazz: No, not the quotebook, for the love of God!
---
Callie: I *know* how polite you are.
*pause*
Callie: And I invited you anyway.
---
H: I can smell elderberries.
---
*Leenylana is leaving*
Jazz: Love you, miss you, need you, want you, bye!
---
Jazz: You've just had her arse in your lap. She sprayed all over me.
---
Jazz: Don't put that in the quotebook, people will get the wrong idea.
---
H: So, English as a foreign language teacher, yes?
Jazz: Cos I speak English good, yeah?
---
Callie: OK, I need to look for the Jubilee line.
CosmicAvatar: Have you lost it?
---
CosmicAvatar: I'm going to call my child Pinot Grigio.
---
CosmicAvatar: OK, go round in a circle and say something in your chosen language.
H: Fuck off.
---
CosmicAvatar: Drape it, baby, drape it!
---
CosmicAvatar: Quotebook writer is busy... quick, let's get in there!
Callie: That's not something you want to shout out at a party.
---
Callie: See, before you arrived I was funny.
---
CosmicAvatar: *re-reading old quote* Wait, you over-penetrated! No, wait - over-punctuated!
Callie: Works either way.
---
CosmicAvatar: *re-reading quotebook* H, you pervert!
*pause*
H: Uh, yeah.
*pause*
H: My brother egged me on.
---
CosmicAvatar: You remember it fondly as an experience, like herpes.
Callie: Wait, I only tuned in at "herpes".
---
kirielle: Woah, what did I miss?
Callie: Herpes.
---
kirielle: I just met you tonight!
CosmicAvatar: And already you want to engage in water sports with him!
---
Callie: I'm not drunk, I'm not sober, I'm just saying things I might regret later.
---
Leenylana: *via Twitter* I feel a lot drinker than I did when I left Helen's. Damn that fresh air!
---
CosmicAvatar: He's screwed!
Callie: Now with me, and not in a good way.
---
*Bally burps*
Bally: Sorry, ladies. Very erotic.
Callie: We'll try to restrain ourselves.
kirielle: The pheromones!
---
*Bally stops eating his meal; there are still some chips and a bit of steak left*
Bally: I'm renouncing the fight.
*a few minutes later, Bally eats some of the chips*
kirielle: I thought you said you were giving up the fight?
Bally: Border skirmishes.
Callie: There's been at least one fox.
Bally: *pointing to kirielle and Callie* There's at least two foxes, baby!
---
H: I used to fancy my cousin. She was very good-looking, though.
---
CosmicAvatar: After you've had it [c-word] said to you for a full minute, you're pretty hardened.
---
Kinitawowi: *during discussion on vegetarianism and such* If you don't eat meat but you eat chicken... you're just lying to yourself, basically.
---
Bally: Even the tourist guide describes it [Custom House] as "a bit stabby".
---
Kinitawowi: The calmest place in Custom House is possibly my bedroom.
---
Jazz: *to CosmicAvatar* So, how is it going with the eating of the roadkill?
---
Leenylana: There's not a lot in the quotebook.
CosmicAvatar: I haven't been here that long.
---
CosmicAvatar: I don't mean to belittle you.
Bally: Of course you do, you evil harlot!
CosmicAvatar: Up yours, bitch!
---
H: *on Supernatural* He [Jared Padalecki] farts a lot, doesn't he?
CosmicAvatar: Oh my God, the gag reel!
H: There's a reason it's called the gag reel.
---
CosmicAvatar: Black and white! That makes drunkenness look good.
---
Jazz: *on CosmicAvatar's confession* What did you do? What did you stain? Where did you vomit? Where did you piss? Who did you shag inappropriately?
---
Jazz: Amanda's getting moisture all over me! I don't like it!
---
Jazz: You will not get Jazz wet! I'm wet, but not in a good way.
---
Leenylana: *reading quotebook* Oh, I'm so funny!
---
Jazz: Everyone, Finger Of Judgement!
CosmicAvatar: I love fingering!
---
Leenylana: My finger needs a wash!
---
*CosmicAvatar has spilled dip*
Jazz: Go on, woman, lick it up!
*pause as kirielle passes Bally the quotebook*
Jazz: No, not the quotebook, for the love of God!
---
Callie: I *know* how polite you are.
*pause*
Callie: And I invited you anyway.
---
H: I can smell elderberries.
---
*Leenylana is leaving*
Jazz: Love you, miss you, need you, want you, bye!
---
Jazz: You've just had her arse in your lap. She sprayed all over me.
---
Jazz: Don't put that in the quotebook, people will get the wrong idea.
---
H: So, English as a foreign language teacher, yes?
Jazz: Cos I speak English good, yeah?
---
Callie: OK, I need to look for the Jubilee line.
CosmicAvatar: Have you lost it?
---
CosmicAvatar: I'm going to call my child Pinot Grigio.
---
CosmicAvatar: OK, go round in a circle and say something in your chosen language.
H: Fuck off.
---
CosmicAvatar: Drape it, baby, drape it!
---
CosmicAvatar: Quotebook writer is busy... quick, let's get in there!
Callie: That's not something you want to shout out at a party.
---
Callie: See, before you arrived I was funny.
---
CosmicAvatar: *re-reading old quote* Wait, you over-penetrated! No, wait - over-punctuated!
Callie: Works either way.
---
CosmicAvatar: *re-reading quotebook* H, you pervert!
*pause*
H: Uh, yeah.
*pause*
H: My brother egged me on.
---
CosmicAvatar: You remember it fondly as an experience, like herpes.
Callie: Wait, I only tuned in at "herpes".
---
kirielle: Woah, what did I miss?
Callie: Herpes.
---
kirielle: I just met you tonight!
CosmicAvatar: And already you want to engage in water sports with him!
---
Callie: I'm not drunk, I'm not sober, I'm just saying things I might regret later.
---
Leenylana: *via Twitter* I feel a lot drinker than I did when I left Helen's. Damn that fresh air!
---
CosmicAvatar: He's screwed!
Callie: Now with me, and not in a good way.
---
*Bally burps*
Bally: Sorry, ladies. Very erotic.
Callie: We'll try to restrain ourselves.
kirielle: The pheromones!
---
*Bally stops eating his meal; there are still some chips and a bit of steak left*
Bally: I'm renouncing the fight.
*a few minutes later, Bally eats some of the chips*
kirielle: I thought you said you were giving up the fight?
Bally: Border skirmishes.
London Party 31st October 2009
*Bally laughs evilly as he walks into the hall*
Bally: Hey, this is great for echoing!
---
*CosmicAvatar licks lips*
CosmicAvatar: That cricket is rather sticking in my throat.
Bally: Yeah, I'm sure I've got bits of feeler in my teeth.
---
*on the wand*
Bally: Does it do actual magic?
Leenylana: Let's see!
---
Bally: I thought your husband was supposed to be here?
CosmicAvatar: He was... but...
Leenylana: ...he got a better offer, basically.
Bally: Better than us?
CosmicAvatar: Yes.
Bally: But I promised I'd be gentler this time!
---
CosmicAvatar: *to Christine* Wo ist mein Lasagne?
Christine: John Barrowman ate it.
---
Matt: Amanda, is that your bag?
Cazzle: See, if he'd been talking to me, he'd have said something like -
Bally: "Oi, bitch"?
Cazzle: Yes!
Bally: He looks the type to call his fiancée a bitch.
Matt: I have a string vest at home.
---
*on Cazzle's hat*
Bally: It gives good hat.
---
CosmicAvatar: *on phone to H* I don't want to know what you did with the curtains, you pervert!
---
Leenylana: Have you ever felt a badger's arse? It might be really smooth.
Matt: I'm saying nothing.
Bally: Hey, this is great for echoing!
---
*CosmicAvatar licks lips*
CosmicAvatar: That cricket is rather sticking in my throat.
Bally: Yeah, I'm sure I've got bits of feeler in my teeth.
---
*on the wand*
Bally: Does it do actual magic?
Leenylana: Let's see!
---
Bally: I thought your husband was supposed to be here?
CosmicAvatar: He was... but...
Leenylana: ...he got a better offer, basically.
Bally: Better than us?
CosmicAvatar: Yes.
Bally: But I promised I'd be gentler this time!
---
CosmicAvatar: *to Christine* Wo ist mein Lasagne?
Christine: John Barrowman ate it.
---
Matt: Amanda, is that your bag?
Cazzle: See, if he'd been talking to me, he'd have said something like -
Bally: "Oi, bitch"?
Cazzle: Yes!
Bally: He looks the type to call his fiancée a bitch.
Matt: I have a string vest at home.
---
*on Cazzle's hat*
Bally: It gives good hat.
---
CosmicAvatar: *on phone to H* I don't want to know what you did with the curtains, you pervert!
---
Leenylana: Have you ever felt a badger's arse? It might be really smooth.
Matt: I'm saying nothing.
Wednesday, September 02, 2009
The Kinitawowi & Bally Show, episode 28
B: Did you ring Reed? [about job]
K: No.
B: Can I slap you?
K: No.
*pause*
K: It'll hurt.
*pause*
K: You.
*Recorded in B's house, Stoke-on-Trent, 12/11/08*
---
B: [singing] What's that, coming over the hill?
*K farts*
B: Oh, you filthy beast.
K: It's me grunting.
*Recorded in B's house, Stoke-on-Trent, 23/11/08*
---
K: You don't watch a film like Face/Off because you want to be mentally challenged. You watch a film like Face/Off because you are mentally challenged.
*Recorded in B's house, Stoke-on-Trent, 3/12/08*
---
B: You are looking pensive there.
K: Mmmm.
B: Why are you looking pensive there?
K: Because I haven't moved from here since I started looking pensive.
*Recorded in B's house, Stoke-on-Trent, 18/12/08*
---
*B hands K his pizza*
K: Thank you, sir. As a wise LOLcat once said, "Om nom nom."
*Recorded in B's house, Stoke-on-Trent, 11/1/09*
---
*K&B are doing the Sunday Times crossword*
K: This 'u' you've put in for 'peanut' looks like a backwards 'n'.
B: I call it sexy.
K: I call it weird.
*pause*
B: [singing, to the tune of Sexyback by Justin Timberlake] I'm bringing Sexyweird... uhn!
K: Never do that again.
*Recorded in B's house, Stoke-on-Trent, 25/1/09*
---
*K&B are reading the Wikipedia page on the Super Nintendo*
K: "In South Korea, it is known as the Super Comboy", which is just an instruction you give to a sheepdog.
*Recorded in B's house, Stoke-on-Trent, 20/2/09*
---
*K has just removed some fluff from B's face*
B: Everything wants to be on this face, baby.
K: Including this fist.
*Recorded in B's house, Stoke-on-Trent, 3/3/09*
---
*K on the Weber Faster One*
K: The last time I saw a car like that, it fell out of a cereal packet.
*Recorded in B's house, Stoke-on-Trent, 22/3/09*
K: No.
B: Can I slap you?
K: No.
*pause*
K: It'll hurt.
*pause*
K: You.
*Recorded in B's house, Stoke-on-Trent, 12/11/08*
B: [singing] What's that, coming over the hill?
*K farts*
B: Oh, you filthy beast.
K: It's me grunting.
*Recorded in B's house, Stoke-on-Trent, 23/11/08*
K: You don't watch a film like Face/Off because you want to be mentally challenged. You watch a film like Face/Off because you are mentally challenged.
*Recorded in B's house, Stoke-on-Trent, 3/12/08*
B: You are looking pensive there.
K: Mmmm.
B: Why are you looking pensive there?
K: Because I haven't moved from here since I started looking pensive.
*Recorded in B's house, Stoke-on-Trent, 18/12/08*
*B hands K his pizza*
K: Thank you, sir. As a wise LOLcat once said, "Om nom nom."
*Recorded in B's house, Stoke-on-Trent, 11/1/09*
*K&B are doing the Sunday Times crossword*
K: This 'u' you've put in for 'peanut' looks like a backwards 'n'.
B: I call it sexy.
K: I call it weird.
*pause*
B: [singing, to the tune of Sexyback by Justin Timberlake] I'm bringing Sexyweird... uhn!
K: Never do that again.
*Recorded in B's house, Stoke-on-Trent, 25/1/09*
*K&B are reading the Wikipedia page on the Super Nintendo*
K: "In South Korea, it is known as the Super Comboy", which is just an instruction you give to a sheepdog.
*Recorded in B's house, Stoke-on-Trent, 20/2/09*
*K has just removed some fluff from B's face*
B: Everything wants to be on this face, baby.
K: Including this fist.
*Recorded in B's house, Stoke-on-Trent, 3/3/09*
*K on the Weber Faster One*
K: The last time I saw a car like that, it fell out of a cereal packet.
*Recorded in B's house, Stoke-on-Trent, 22/3/09*
Sunday, August 09, 2009
Sandhurst Party 16th-17th May 2009
Bally: [on fridge] I think my alcohol is too big to fit in there.
Sam_Spade: Stop boasting, Simon.
---
Callie: Do you ever wonder if your neighbours are listening to our conversations?
H: We made sure they were out.
---
*Bally & H meet in a corridor*
H: Come out.
Bally: How did you know? I've hidden it well all these years.
H: It's the way you walk.
---
*on certain pictures of certain WDers*
Caz: There's no delete button in my mind.
---
*Bally dons a hat*
Caz: You should start singing -
Kinitawowi & Bally: No.
---
*on babies*
H: It's when they're smiling that you've got to worry, because bleah.
Sam_Spade: Or they're possessed.
---
*Eurovision time! On the Israel entry*
H: Just one kiss and they'll win.
---
*on Sweden's entry*
H: She must feel like 37,000 Euros.
---
H: People are going to be sat at home, wondering if that fur is real.
Caz: What fur?
CosmicAvatar: Under her arms.
---
Kinitawowi: What's she singing for?
Sam_Spade: Croatia.
Kinitawowi: No, I mean 'Why is she singing at all?'
Sam_Spade: Ah, right. That's a far more complex question.
---
*on Portugal's entry*
Bally: Is it me, or is this actually a fairly decent pop song?
Sam_Spade: Yeah.
*pause*
Bally: What's it doing here?
Sam_Spade: I dunno, must have taken a wrong turning somewhere.
---
H: I'm sorry, did you say this was a pop song?
Bally: Yes.
H: With an accordion?
Bally: Open mind, man. Open mind.
---
CosmicAvatar: Gigantic knockers! Drink!
Caz: You can't drink to gigantic knockers.
Bally: I always do.
---
*on Greece's entry*
Caz: He reminds me of Peter Andre, only worse.
---
*on Azerbaijan's entry*
Caz: She seeems to have lost the front part of her dress.
Bally: I'm enjoying that, personally.
---
*on Dirrty by Christina Aguilera*
Kinitawowi: She can sing! So let her sing!
Caz: But she can strip!
CosmicAvatar: And do the eagle!
---
CosmicAvatar: They're posing! Drink!
Sam_Spade: If we drink for posing, we won't make it through the next song.
---
Graham Norton: [paraphrased] She came 3rd the first time she competed, then 2nd.
Bally: Three, two -
Sam_Spade: Nowhere!
---
CosmicAvatar: I'm pissed as a fart, and it's not enough.
---
*on Estonia's entry*
CosmicAvatar: [impersonating] Thank you! If you stole my boobs, can I have them back?
---
*on Denmark's entry*
CosmicAvatar: It's the bastard lovechild of Ronan Keating and Riley Finn!
---
Caz: Put it away, Darren Day.
---
Caz: I like the guy on the piano. He has some imagination.
Sam_Spade: Then he has no place here.
---
*on Dita Von Teese*
Sam_Spade: She's a poor man's Bettie Page.
---
*on Ukraine's entry*
Sam_Spade: I thought that said Anti-Christ Girl.
---
CosmicAvatar: Drink to cleavage!
H: Which one?
---
CosmicAvatar: I managed to swallow! [from drinking]
H: Oh, well done, darling! We've reached a new level in our relationship.
---
Sam_Spade: Is it cleavage if they don't meet in the middle?
Callie: It's Embankment - 'Mind The Gap'.
---
CosmicAvatar: "Lose Control" - of all bodily functions!
Caz: Is that what the song's called?
---
Kinitawowi: Write that down!
Bally: [from kitchen] I'm not in the room!
---
CosmicAvatar: I was once nearly teetotal! You don't believe that, do you?
Bored_Mike: No.
---
CosmicAvatar: Who put 'Dutch Scrote' in here?
---
CosmicAvatar: OK, in the meantime, I'm going to show you what got Adam into American Idol in the first place. It made me scream.
Caz: That does not take much, to be fair.
---
Caz: Johnny Cash *is* dead, isn't he?
Sam_Spade: Very.
---
Caz: I haven't made you see the Om Nom Nom song yet, have I?
Bally: I've seen it, and I've reeled at the horror the Internet has to show me.
---
CosmicAvatar: You made me say 'cunt' in my own home!
---
CosmicAvatar: How the fuck did we earn all those points?
H: They don't want to be bombed.
---
Kinitawowi: Do I look like a killer again?
CosmicAvatar: Yes you do.
---
ComsicAvatar: Oh my Christ!
Caz: He can't help you now, son.
---
H: Bloody hell Darling, that's not the way to treat my instrument.
---
Sam_Spade: I'm used to women running out of the room.
H: Chloroform helps.
---
Callie: Big Ben was the largest four-facing clock tower in the world, until it was overtaken by one in Milwaukee -
Caz: Bomb Milwaukee!
Sam_Spade: Stop boasting, Simon.
Callie: Do you ever wonder if your neighbours are listening to our conversations?
H: We made sure they were out.
*Bally & H meet in a corridor*
H: Come out.
Bally: How did you know? I've hidden it well all these years.
H: It's the way you walk.
*on certain pictures of certain WDers*
Caz: There's no delete button in my mind.
*Bally dons a hat*
Caz: You should start singing -
Kinitawowi & Bally: No.
*on babies*
H: It's when they're smiling that you've got to worry, because bleah.
Sam_Spade: Or they're possessed.
*Eurovision time! On the Israel entry*
H: Just one kiss and they'll win.
*on Sweden's entry*
H: She must feel like 37,000 Euros.
H: People are going to be sat at home, wondering if that fur is real.
Caz: What fur?
CosmicAvatar: Under her arms.
Kinitawowi: What's she singing for?
Sam_Spade: Croatia.
Kinitawowi: No, I mean 'Why is she singing at all?'
Sam_Spade: Ah, right. That's a far more complex question.
*on Portugal's entry*
Bally: Is it me, or is this actually a fairly decent pop song?
Sam_Spade: Yeah.
*pause*
Bally: What's it doing here?
Sam_Spade: I dunno, must have taken a wrong turning somewhere.
H: I'm sorry, did you say this was a pop song?
Bally: Yes.
H: With an accordion?
Bally: Open mind, man. Open mind.
CosmicAvatar: Gigantic knockers! Drink!
Caz: You can't drink to gigantic knockers.
Bally: I always do.
*on Greece's entry*
Caz: He reminds me of Peter Andre, only worse.
*on Azerbaijan's entry*
Caz: She seeems to have lost the front part of her dress.
Bally: I'm enjoying that, personally.
*on Dirrty by Christina Aguilera*
Kinitawowi: She can sing! So let her sing!
Caz: But she can strip!
CosmicAvatar: And do the eagle!
CosmicAvatar: They're posing! Drink!
Sam_Spade: If we drink for posing, we won't make it through the next song.
Graham Norton: [paraphrased] She came 3rd the first time she competed, then 2nd.
Bally: Three, two -
Sam_Spade: Nowhere!
CosmicAvatar: I'm pissed as a fart, and it's not enough.
*on Estonia's entry*
CosmicAvatar: [impersonating] Thank you! If you stole my boobs, can I have them back?
*on Denmark's entry*
CosmicAvatar: It's the bastard lovechild of Ronan Keating and Riley Finn!
Caz: Put it away, Darren Day.
Caz: I like the guy on the piano. He has some imagination.
Sam_Spade: Then he has no place here.
*on Dita Von Teese*
Sam_Spade: She's a poor man's Bettie Page.
*on Ukraine's entry*
Sam_Spade: I thought that said Anti-Christ Girl.
CosmicAvatar: Drink to cleavage!
H: Which one?
CosmicAvatar: I managed to swallow! [from drinking]
H: Oh, well done, darling! We've reached a new level in our relationship.
Sam_Spade: Is it cleavage if they don't meet in the middle?
Callie: It's Embankment - 'Mind The Gap'.
CosmicAvatar: "Lose Control" - of all bodily functions!
Caz: Is that what the song's called?
Kinitawowi: Write that down!
Bally: [from kitchen] I'm not in the room!
CosmicAvatar: I was once nearly teetotal! You don't believe that, do you?
Bored_Mike: No.
CosmicAvatar: Who put 'Dutch Scrote' in here?
CosmicAvatar: OK, in the meantime, I'm going to show you what got Adam into American Idol in the first place. It made me scream.
Caz: That does not take much, to be fair.
Caz: Johnny Cash *is* dead, isn't he?
Sam_Spade: Very.
Caz: I haven't made you see the Om Nom Nom song yet, have I?
Bally: I've seen it, and I've reeled at the horror the Internet has to show me.
CosmicAvatar: You made me say 'cunt' in my own home!
CosmicAvatar: How the fuck did we earn all those points?
H: They don't want to be bombed.
Kinitawowi: Do I look like a killer again?
CosmicAvatar: Yes you do.
ComsicAvatar: Oh my Christ!
Caz: He can't help you now, son.
H: Bloody hell Darling, that's not the way to treat my instrument.
Sam_Spade: I'm used to women running out of the room.
H: Chloroform helps.
Callie: Big Ben was the largest four-facing clock tower in the world, until it was overtaken by one in Milwaukee -
Caz: Bomb Milwaukee!
Sunday, November 23, 2008
The Kinitawowi & Bally Show, episode 27
K: I finally figured out what was wrong with my computer!
B: What was it?
K: It was the CPU. I replaced it with an old one, and it worked.
B: Is this a long-term solution?
K: Not really, but it'll keep me in porn and House until I can get an upgrade.
*Recorded at B's house, Stoke-on-Trent, 1/9/08*
---
K: The greatest curse of modern society: the belch with a bit of sick in it.
*Recorded at B's house, Stoke-on-Trent, 1/9/08*
---
*K is flicking through the Sky Channels and finds the Futurama episode Spanish Fry*
K: If memory serves, you don't think much of that one.
B: No, but if there's nothing else on...
K: Well, all the porn on the Internet won't download itself. Plus I want a coffee.
*B laughs*
K: *sings* The Internet is really really great... FOR COFFEE!
*Recorded at B's house, Stoke-on-Trent, 25/9/08*
---
*K's cousin has given birth to a boy named John David Robinson*
K: I'll put money on the fact that the David is because of me.
*B winks*
B: You're in there!
K: She's my cousin! And she's not from Norfolk!
*Recorded at B's house, Stoke-on-Trent, 29/9/08*
---
*K&B are watching Chuck - Chuck is on a date with Sarah*
B: See, this is what happens when you have writers. If I had writers, I would be getting laid left, right and centre.
*pause*
B: <*whispers manically*> I can dream!
*pause*
K: See, what you really need is a CIA database in your head.
*pause*
K: It's an icebreaker.
*Recorded at B's house, Stoke-on-Trent, 30/9/08*
---
*following a discussion on the topic in the pub*
K: Where do you see yourself in four or five years' time?
B: Drunk, ditch, six pack of salt and vinegar.
*Recorded in Hartshill, Stoke-on-Trent, 16/10/08*
---
*B spots a job advert on Facebook*
B: Senior Linux engineers, eh?
K: I know nothing about Linux, except that it's as mad as a box of frogs, carrying a box of frogs.
*Recorded in B's house, Stoke-on-Trent, 21/10/08*
---
K: I have ethical objections to Sk8er Boi.
*Recorded in B's house, Stoke-on-Trent, 30/10/08*
---
K: I can't think of a more tragic invention than the single sandwich toaster.
*Recorded in Hartshill, Stoke-on-Trent, 12/11/08*
B: What was it?
K: It was the CPU. I replaced it with an old one, and it worked.
B: Is this a long-term solution?
K: Not really, but it'll keep me in porn and House until I can get an upgrade.
*Recorded at B's house, Stoke-on-Trent, 1/9/08*
K: The greatest curse of modern society: the belch with a bit of sick in it.
*Recorded at B's house, Stoke-on-Trent, 1/9/08*
*K is flicking through the Sky Channels and finds the Futurama episode Spanish Fry*
K: If memory serves, you don't think much of that one.
B: No, but if there's nothing else on...
K: Well, all the porn on the Internet won't download itself. Plus I want a coffee.
*B laughs*
K: *sings* The Internet is really really great... FOR COFFEE!
*Recorded at B's house, Stoke-on-Trent, 25/9/08*
*K's cousin has given birth to a boy named John David Robinson*
K: I'll put money on the fact that the David is because of me.
*B winks*
B: You're in there!
K: She's my cousin! And she's not from Norfolk!
*Recorded at B's house, Stoke-on-Trent, 29/9/08*
*K&B are watching Chuck - Chuck is on a date with Sarah*
B: See, this is what happens when you have writers. If I had writers, I would be getting laid left, right and centre.
*pause*
B: <*whispers manically*> I can dream!
*pause*
K: See, what you really need is a CIA database in your head.
*pause*
K: It's an icebreaker.
*Recorded at B's house, Stoke-on-Trent, 30/9/08*
*following a discussion on the topic in the pub*
K: Where do you see yourself in four or five years' time?
B: Drunk, ditch, six pack of salt and vinegar.
*Recorded in Hartshill, Stoke-on-Trent, 16/10/08*
*B spots a job advert on Facebook*
B: Senior Linux engineers, eh?
K: I know nothing about Linux, except that it's as mad as a box of frogs, carrying a box of frogs.
*Recorded in B's house, Stoke-on-Trent, 21/10/08*
K: I have ethical objections to Sk8er Boi.
*Recorded in B's house, Stoke-on-Trent, 30/10/08*
K: I can't think of a more tragic invention than the single sandwich toaster.
*Recorded in Hartshill, Stoke-on-Trent, 12/11/08*
California Party October 25th-27th 2008
*While walking on the beach*
Tannoy announcer: Please stay off the lifeguard tower!
Caz: Is he talking to the seagull?
-------
[We're discussing the identity of the mystery guest due to arrive at Cassy's party]
Mr Soupy: What if it's a Republican?
BigEvil: As long as I can take him, it doesn't matter.
-------
oslowe: I heard the other day that Jason Vorhees is basically a giant cock-blocker.
-------
Soupytwist: [on being asked what's in her drink] About four different kinds of alcohol and milk. It tastes like candy!
-------
*oslowe is trying to explain a character in Naruto and not getting much back*
Mr Soupy: [apologetically] I'm sorry, I was thinking about math.
-------
*We're talking about films*
Mr Soupy: [to Soupytwist] What was the unwatchable crap you watched last night?
-------
MdmeAlbertine: Chinese Democracy [The Guns N Roses album] is like Bigfoot.
-------
*On the joy of siblings*
oslowe: One time when I was four and my sister was one, my mom was crying and I said to her, "Couldn't we just put her in the trash can?"
-------
CassyLee: Sammy, please may I have a potato chip?
*Sam passes one over*
CassyLee: See, I don't mind training a two-year-old to be my waiter.
-------
BigEvil: [noticing Sam] He has no pants.
mouse: I often get that problem myself.
-------
*We're discussing mouse's son's unusually large feet*
mouse: I told him he was going to have a lucky wife someday, but that was when he was taking the trash out.
-------
mouse: [on what her son said to her before they went to DragonCon] "And what are we not going to say to Alan Tudyk when we meet him? That you want his seed."
-------
BigEvil: I'm smelling of patchouli as we speak.
bettie: Fucking hippy. Or lesbian. I'm not quite sure.
-------
*We're talking about food and bettie is correcting BigEvil regarding ingredients in tahini*
Mr Soupy: We need a new website based on that conversation. "Ask Annika."
BigEvil: Iknowbetterthanyou.com.
-------
Mr Soupy: [after waiting for Sam to sit up so he can give him a drink] You can't get drunk laying down!
-------
*BigEvil has been sharing his drink around*
BigEvil: Last time I checked my cooties count was really low.
Callie: And you tell us after we drink?
-------
*bettie is showing Caz how to block in knitting*
BigEvil: How do you feel about blocking? If it's cock, I don't like it.
-------
*BigEvil has been relating how his normal dress gained the envy of a whole load of guys in pirate fancy dress*
BigEvil: I'm not a pirate!
Caz: No, you arrrrrrrrr!
-------
*MdmeAlbertine has just raced across the carpet after Sam on her hands and knees*
BigEvil: I haven't seen anyone move that fast on all fours for a while.
-------
*BigEvil is talking about how only the pretty people are in the circle created by CassyLee's house*
bettie: Where are the ugly people?
BigEvil: In that mythical world on the other side of the balcony.
mouse: Arkansas?
-------
MenleyNin: I write about poo way more than anyone without a child should.
bettie: I don't write about poo and I change diapers on a daily basis!
-------
Soupytwist: I'm really sad that I haven't met Simon yet.
CosmicAvatar and Caz: [simultaneously] Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!
(Heehee, little did we all know!)
-------
mouse: Y'see, now I'm picturing Alan Tudyk. You shouldn't do that.
-------
oslowe: Dude, you're too big for me.
BigEvil: You have the quickness advantage.
CosmicAvatar: I came in late to this conversation, didn't I?
-------
*We are looking over CassyLee's power ballad CD*
Mr Soupy: Whitesnake makes you think of "Great White".
BigEvil: It actually makes me think of hot chicks on cars.
-------
bettie: Those were pretty much all the bands I was listening to while in labour.
BigEvil: Willingly?
-------
mouse: I have to have this Advil ring for allergies.
BigEvil: I have one of those for when I go to nightclubs. "Advil only".
Mr Soupy: Advil and a pink cup.
-------
bettie: Where's Cassy? Drunk and passed out?
-------
Soupytwist: [On Mr Soupy] He can sew so well it's not funny.
BigEvil: I'll just stick to playing guitar really crappily.
Mr Soupy: Oh, I can do that too.
-------
*On the fact that Alyson Hannigan's pregnant*
bettie: Willow's having Wesley's baby!
All: EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!
BigEvil: Oh, yeah, this is a Buffy party!
-------
Caz: [on being mistaken for Sam's mother] Do you think my arse is that fat? Do you think I've had kids?
bettie: Hey!
-------
mouse: Well, you see a man and a woman playing with a child, you're bound to jump to conclusions.
Mr Soupy: [sotto voce to Caz] Also, Americans are stupid.
-------
Soupytwist: I'm built for farming and breeding.
-------
*starshine is talking to Sam while the latter is being breast-fed*
bettie: He's saying, "That's nice. This is my boob."
starshine: That's OK, honey, I don't want it.
bettie: She's got her own.
-------
Soupytwist: It's like this whole Washington/Canada love. And everyone hates Portland.
-------
oslowe: That's like saying, "I'm a lucid alcoholic."
Soupytwist: Hey, I resemble that remark!
-------
All: [to Mr Soupy and oslowe] Thanks to the grill guys!
MdmeAlbertine: Thanks for being good for something!
-------
starshine: [To Cassy] Do you have salt?
oslowe: Do we look like Mormons to you?
-------
Mr Soupy: Your mom's totally Manchester!
-------
*Talking about regional accents*
CosmicAvatar: [in her worst Geordie] Eh, fancy a quick knee-trembler in them bushes, pet?
Caz: Come again?
CosmicAvatar: Yeah, you will!
-------
*On mayhem's first party*
starshine: I think he knew it was going to be OK once he realized we weren't going to mutilate him.
-------
*Having pretended to be going earlier, BigEvil is now saying goodbye for real*
CosmicAvatar: [hugging BigEvil] You'd better not be faking it this time.
BigEvil: [in monotone] Oh, baby, you were the best.
Bally: I get the feeling you've used this line before.
-------
*During OMWF*
MdmeAlbertine: We're so good!
*pause*
MdmeAlbertine: Or I'm so drunk!
-------
*The Ring of Fire is being played*
D, starshine's cousin: I have never ever... done the nasty in the back of a car.
*some people drink*
Soupytwist: Well, I've only ever done it in the front.
-------
kirielle: Ten!
CosmicAvatar: Never ever.
kirielle: Oh, God.
starshine: He's not here right now.
-------
CosmicAvatar: [to tinkcat] Quick, post before you pass out!
tinkcat: I'm reading! You are drunk, bitches!
-------
tinkcat: [before posting] My signature doesn't have vomit in it, does it?
-------
tinkcat: Why does my pants leg smell like rum and Coke?
-------
*tinkcat is heading for the toilet*
Bally: Gangway!
Caz: Eh?
Bally: I said, "Gangway."
Caz: I'll give you, "Gangway," Mr Ball!
Bally: is what what the young kids are calling it these days?
-------
tinkcat: [on seeing the quotebook] Why is this in front of me? I can't write anything!
-------
MdmeAlbertine: Ten!
CosmicAvatar: [sighing] Never ever.
MdmeAlbertine: I have never ever snogged a stranger.
mouse: Been there, done that, got the T-shirt, wore it out.
-------
*A queen has just been drawn*
CosmicAvatar: Continuous fucking drinking.
kirielle: Continuous fucking?!
Bally: [To Mr Soupy] Things are going to get interesting very soon.
tinkcat: Given the male to female ratio, we are going to kill these two guys.
Bally: Hey, I have stamina.
-------
*tinkcat picks the fourth king*
mouse: You should make her do two things, like you did me.
tinkcat: Hey, I'll do things, baby!
-------
*CosmicAvatar is posting under mouse's username*
mouse: I think they're going to know it's not me, because that word doesn't mean that here!
-------
starshine: I have never ever... slept with my evil twin.
tinkcat: I slept with a guy who had my name; does that count?
-------
CosmicAvatar: Someone else drunk-post!
mouse: Did you post as me? Did you do more than the goat?
-------
tinkcat: I think pyjamas would help me.
-------
mouse: Someone needs to make my bed for me - I'm too tired from the goat.
-------
oslowe: [on Sam] We're trying to keep his attention away from his mom. She's out having a fag.
mouse: That means something different here!
-------
Bally: [on Caz's knitting of a tiny sweater] That's never going to fit you.
bettie: She's dieting.
Bally: Good follow-up.
oslowe: That's what we keep her around for.
-------
tinkcat: Y'all are boring when I'm not drunk.
-------
tinkcat: OK, it would have been nice if someone had told me my fly's been undone all morning.
Caz: It's OK, I was staring at your chest.
-------
tinkcat: It's like air-conditioning in my pants!
-------
*CassyLee is asked to check if there are burgers in the freezer*
CosmicAvatar: But you've only just sat down!
CassyLee: This is in my self-interest, though.
-------
bettie: I took the tweezers and I wasn't shocked, but when I touched them to my Dad, he was.
*pause*
bettie: I was, like, three-and-a-half.
oslowe: She was fourteen.
-------
oslowe: [to CosmicAvatar] What you gotta do is cut the Twinkie in half and put a hot dog in it.
-------
tinkcat: [on Toy Story 2] So, how often have you seen this film?
oslowe: Oh, God. We quote lines of dialogue while we're fucking.
-------
bettie: We have only had sex once!
-------
oslowe: Do I have enough time for another beer before I take Sam to the park?
tinkcat: You are such a good Dad!
oslowe: I like to smell good for the other parents.
-------
CosmicAvatar: Did you know, I've been needing a pee for an hour and just sitting here?
CassyLee: Well, you don't need a piss card now.
-------
*On returning to house having left adjoining garage door open*
CosmicAvatar: OK, let's see how many people have broken in and killed everybody.
CassyLee: Boy, will my face be red.
Bally: If everyone else's face is red.
-------
oslowe: Hey, Simon, d'you want to come outside and grunt with me?
-------
bettie: I once made a margarita in a friend's mouth but that's less of a game, more of a skill.
-------
*Sam has locked Bally outside*
tinkcat: And don't come in until you've made our dinner!
-------
*We are looking at evidence of the night before in mouse's photo album*
Caz: Oh, Jesus!
mouse: I got him? That's got to be worth money!
-------
Bally: Three hundred miles? That's the length of our island!
bettie: That's the length of Rhode Island!
-------
bettie: When the four of us go out, people assume Will and Cassy are together.
oslowe: Doesn't help that we're making out all the time.
-------
tinkcat: Hey, it's a WD party. Someone was always going to get naked.
-------
mouse: [on hearing her son swear] "Not 'ho'! That's a horrible word. It's 'whore'!"
-------
mouse: I have twenty-seven chins. [Indicates chest] Some of them are down here.
-------
*We are looking at a photo of tinkcat*
Callie: See, no chins because it stops at your nose.
tinkcat: Oh, I like that! It makes me look like I'm eating Cindy, but it's good.
-------
*Sam is leaving*
CassyLee: That's how everyone reacts when they're forced to leave my place.
-------
Caz: Bye, Will!
oslowe: Bye, other wife!
-------
tinkcat: [to mouse] If you take a photo of my ass, I'll kill you.
-------
*A Sprint phone ad is on showing future scenes of Heroes*
Bally: I don't have a Sprint phone.
CassyLee: Then you're shit out of luck.
Tannoy announcer: Please stay off the lifeguard tower!
Caz: Is he talking to the seagull?
-------
[We're discussing the identity of the mystery guest due to arrive at Cassy's party]
Mr Soupy: What if it's a Republican?
BigEvil: As long as I can take him, it doesn't matter.
-------
oslowe: I heard the other day that Jason Vorhees is basically a giant cock-blocker.
-------
Soupytwist: [on being asked what's in her drink] About four different kinds of alcohol and milk. It tastes like candy!
-------
*oslowe is trying to explain a character in Naruto and not getting much back*
Mr Soupy: [apologetically] I'm sorry, I was thinking about math.
-------
*We're talking about films*
Mr Soupy: [to Soupytwist] What was the unwatchable crap you watched last night?
-------
MdmeAlbertine: Chinese Democracy [The Guns N Roses album] is like Bigfoot.
-------
*On the joy of siblings*
oslowe: One time when I was four and my sister was one, my mom was crying and I said to her, "Couldn't we just put her in the trash can?"
-------
CassyLee: Sammy, please may I have a potato chip?
*Sam passes one over*
CassyLee: See, I don't mind training a two-year-old to be my waiter.
-------
BigEvil: [noticing Sam] He has no pants.
mouse: I often get that problem myself.
-------
*We're discussing mouse's son's unusually large feet*
mouse: I told him he was going to have a lucky wife someday, but that was when he was taking the trash out.
-------
mouse: [on what her son said to her before they went to DragonCon] "And what are we not going to say to Alan Tudyk when we meet him? That you want his seed."
-------
BigEvil: I'm smelling of patchouli as we speak.
bettie: Fucking hippy. Or lesbian. I'm not quite sure.
-------
*We're talking about food and bettie is correcting BigEvil regarding ingredients in tahini*
Mr Soupy: We need a new website based on that conversation. "Ask Annika."
BigEvil: Iknowbetterthanyou.com.
-------
Mr Soupy: [after waiting for Sam to sit up so he can give him a drink] You can't get drunk laying down!
-------
*BigEvil has been sharing his drink around*
BigEvil: Last time I checked my cooties count was really low.
Callie: And you tell us after we drink?
-------
*bettie is showing Caz how to block in knitting*
BigEvil: How do you feel about blocking? If it's cock, I don't like it.
-------
*BigEvil has been relating how his normal dress gained the envy of a whole load of guys in pirate fancy dress*
BigEvil: I'm not a pirate!
Caz: No, you arrrrrrrrr!
-------
*MdmeAlbertine has just raced across the carpet after Sam on her hands and knees*
BigEvil: I haven't seen anyone move that fast on all fours for a while.
-------
*BigEvil is talking about how only the pretty people are in the circle created by CassyLee's house*
bettie: Where are the ugly people?
BigEvil: In that mythical world on the other side of the balcony.
mouse: Arkansas?
-------
MenleyNin: I write about poo way more than anyone without a child should.
bettie: I don't write about poo and I change diapers on a daily basis!
-------
Soupytwist: I'm really sad that I haven't met Simon yet.
CosmicAvatar and Caz: [simultaneously] Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!
(Heehee, little did we all know!)
-------
mouse: Y'see, now I'm picturing Alan Tudyk. You shouldn't do that.
-------
oslowe: Dude, you're too big for me.
BigEvil: You have the quickness advantage.
CosmicAvatar: I came in late to this conversation, didn't I?
-------
*We are looking over CassyLee's power ballad CD*
Mr Soupy: Whitesnake makes you think of "Great White".
BigEvil: It actually makes me think of hot chicks on cars.
-------
bettie: Those were pretty much all the bands I was listening to while in labour.
BigEvil: Willingly?
-------
mouse: I have to have this Advil ring for allergies.
BigEvil: I have one of those for when I go to nightclubs. "Advil only".
Mr Soupy: Advil and a pink cup.
-------
bettie: Where's Cassy? Drunk and passed out?
-------
Soupytwist: [On Mr Soupy] He can sew so well it's not funny.
BigEvil: I'll just stick to playing guitar really crappily.
Mr Soupy: Oh, I can do that too.
-------
*On the fact that Alyson Hannigan's pregnant*
bettie: Willow's having Wesley's baby!
All: EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!
BigEvil: Oh, yeah, this is a Buffy party!
-------
Caz: [on being mistaken for Sam's mother] Do you think my arse is that fat? Do you think I've had kids?
bettie: Hey!
-------
mouse: Well, you see a man and a woman playing with a child, you're bound to jump to conclusions.
Mr Soupy: [sotto voce to Caz] Also, Americans are stupid.
-------
Soupytwist: I'm built for farming and breeding.
-------
*starshine is talking to Sam while the latter is being breast-fed*
bettie: He's saying, "That's nice. This is my boob."
starshine: That's OK, honey, I don't want it.
bettie: She's got her own.
-------
Soupytwist: It's like this whole Washington/Canada love. And everyone hates Portland.
-------
oslowe: That's like saying, "I'm a lucid alcoholic."
Soupytwist: Hey, I resemble that remark!
-------
All: [to Mr Soupy and oslowe] Thanks to the grill guys!
MdmeAlbertine: Thanks for being good for something!
-------
starshine: [To Cassy] Do you have salt?
oslowe: Do we look like Mormons to you?
-------
Mr Soupy: Your mom's totally Manchester!
-------
*Talking about regional accents*
CosmicAvatar: [in her worst Geordie] Eh, fancy a quick knee-trembler in them bushes, pet?
Caz: Come again?
CosmicAvatar: Yeah, you will!
-------
*On mayhem's first party*
starshine: I think he knew it was going to be OK once he realized we weren't going to mutilate him.
-------
*Having pretended to be going earlier, BigEvil is now saying goodbye for real*
CosmicAvatar: [hugging BigEvil] You'd better not be faking it this time.
BigEvil: [in monotone] Oh, baby, you were the best.
Bally: I get the feeling you've used this line before.
-------
*During OMWF*
MdmeAlbertine: We're so good!
*pause*
MdmeAlbertine: Or I'm so drunk!
-------
*The Ring of Fire is being played*
D, starshine's cousin: I have never ever... done the nasty in the back of a car.
*some people drink*
Soupytwist: Well, I've only ever done it in the front.
-------
kirielle: Ten!
CosmicAvatar: Never ever.
kirielle: Oh, God.
starshine: He's not here right now.
-------
CosmicAvatar: [to tinkcat] Quick, post before you pass out!
tinkcat: I'm reading! You are drunk, bitches!
-------
tinkcat: [before posting] My signature doesn't have vomit in it, does it?
-------
tinkcat: Why does my pants leg smell like rum and Coke?
-------
*tinkcat is heading for the toilet*
Bally: Gangway!
Caz: Eh?
Bally: I said, "Gangway."
Caz: I'll give you, "Gangway," Mr Ball!
Bally: is what what the young kids are calling it these days?
-------
tinkcat: [on seeing the quotebook] Why is this in front of me? I can't write anything!
-------
MdmeAlbertine: Ten!
CosmicAvatar: [sighing] Never ever.
MdmeAlbertine: I have never ever snogged a stranger.
mouse: Been there, done that, got the T-shirt, wore it out.
-------
*A queen has just been drawn*
CosmicAvatar: Continuous fucking drinking.
kirielle: Continuous fucking?!
Bally: [To Mr Soupy] Things are going to get interesting very soon.
tinkcat: Given the male to female ratio, we are going to kill these two guys.
Bally: Hey, I have stamina.
-------
*tinkcat picks the fourth king*
mouse: You should make her do two things, like you did me.
tinkcat: Hey, I'll do things, baby!
-------
*CosmicAvatar is posting under mouse's username*
mouse: I think they're going to know it's not me, because that word doesn't mean that here!
-------
starshine: I have never ever... slept with my evil twin.
tinkcat: I slept with a guy who had my name; does that count?
-------
CosmicAvatar: Someone else drunk-post!
mouse: Did you post as me? Did you do more than the goat?
-------
tinkcat: I think pyjamas would help me.
-------
mouse: Someone needs to make my bed for me - I'm too tired from the goat.
-------
oslowe: [on Sam] We're trying to keep his attention away from his mom. She's out having a fag.
mouse: That means something different here!
-------
Bally: [on Caz's knitting of a tiny sweater] That's never going to fit you.
bettie: She's dieting.
Bally: Good follow-up.
oslowe: That's what we keep her around for.
-------
tinkcat: Y'all are boring when I'm not drunk.
-------
tinkcat: OK, it would have been nice if someone had told me my fly's been undone all morning.
Caz: It's OK, I was staring at your chest.
-------
tinkcat: It's like air-conditioning in my pants!
-------
*CassyLee is asked to check if there are burgers in the freezer*
CosmicAvatar: But you've only just sat down!
CassyLee: This is in my self-interest, though.
-------
bettie: I took the tweezers and I wasn't shocked, but when I touched them to my Dad, he was.
*pause*
bettie: I was, like, three-and-a-half.
oslowe: She was fourteen.
-------
oslowe: [to CosmicAvatar] What you gotta do is cut the Twinkie in half and put a hot dog in it.
-------
tinkcat: [on Toy Story 2] So, how often have you seen this film?
oslowe: Oh, God. We quote lines of dialogue while we're fucking.
-------
bettie: We have only had sex once!
-------
oslowe: Do I have enough time for another beer before I take Sam to the park?
tinkcat: You are such a good Dad!
oslowe: I like to smell good for the other parents.
-------
CosmicAvatar: Did you know, I've been needing a pee for an hour and just sitting here?
CassyLee: Well, you don't need a piss card now.
-------
*On returning to house having left adjoining garage door open*
CosmicAvatar: OK, let's see how many people have broken in and killed everybody.
CassyLee: Boy, will my face be red.
Bally: If everyone else's face is red.
-------
oslowe: Hey, Simon, d'you want to come outside and grunt with me?
-------
bettie: I once made a margarita in a friend's mouth but that's less of a game, more of a skill.
-------
*Sam has locked Bally outside*
tinkcat: And don't come in until you've made our dinner!
-------
*We are looking at evidence of the night before in mouse's photo album*
Caz: Oh, Jesus!
mouse: I got him? That's got to be worth money!
-------
Bally: Three hundred miles? That's the length of our island!
bettie: That's the length of Rhode Island!
-------
bettie: When the four of us go out, people assume Will and Cassy are together.
oslowe: Doesn't help that we're making out all the time.
-------
tinkcat: Hey, it's a WD party. Someone was always going to get naked.
-------
mouse: [on hearing her son swear] "Not 'ho'! That's a horrible word. It's 'whore'!"
-------
mouse: I have twenty-seven chins. [Indicates chest] Some of them are down here.
-------
*We are looking at a photo of tinkcat*
Callie: See, no chins because it stops at your nose.
tinkcat: Oh, I like that! It makes me look like I'm eating Cindy, but it's good.
-------
*Sam is leaving*
CassyLee: That's how everyone reacts when they're forced to leave my place.
-------
Caz: Bye, Will!
oslowe: Bye, other wife!
-------
tinkcat: [to mouse] If you take a photo of my ass, I'll kill you.
-------
*A Sprint phone ad is on showing future scenes of Heroes*
Bally: I don't have a Sprint phone.
CassyLee: Then you're shit out of luck.
Thursday, October 30, 2008
The Kinitawowi & Bally Show, episode 26
K: No good food begins with "re".
*Recorded at B's house, Stoke-on-Trent, 28/3/08*
---
*having watched a trailer for the ITV programme Beat The Star, in which a member of the public competes against a celebrity over some mental and physical challenges, the tagline for which is "The loser of this is going to be gutted"*
B: "The loser of this is going to be gutted". And that's it.
K: Yes.
*pause*
K: Unless they mean literally gutted.
*Recorded at K's flat, Manchester, 19/4/08*
---
*K&B arrive back after a small shopping run*
K: An hour and a quarter. [until Doctor Who] What do you plan to do?
B: [brandishes razor] I plan to remove parts of my face that are no longer necessary.
K: Good luck with that.
B: [going upstairs] Thanks. I'll probably come back down covered in blood.
K: That's usually the sign of a shitty razor.
B: Or the sign of a shitty face.
*Recorded at B's house, Stoke-on-Trent, 17/5/08*
---
K: I won't be watching any of it. You can watch France vs. Italy if you like - I'll be using that time to go upstairs and download porn.
*Recorded at B's house, 28/5/08*
---
*K&B are talking fanfic*
B: If you wrote plausible fanfic, you'd be a writer.
*pause*
B: We watch plausible fanfic.
K: It's called Torchwood.
*Recorded in Hartshill, Stoke-on-Trent, 15/6/08*
---
CA: I think there going to do his [Tony Stark's] alcoholism next film.
B: [in trailer voiceover voice] Iron Man: DRINK!
*Recorded at B's house, Stoke-on-Trent, 21/6/08*
---
K: The slogan for the Olympics is "One World, One Dream".
*pause*
K: You can't help but add "One Party" to the end.
*Recorded in B's house, Stoke-on-Trent, 6/8/08*
---
K: What's the line? "Lynx: the smell of cheap teenage desperation".
*pause*
B: Don't you wear Lynx?
K: Yes.
*pause*
K: When I remember.
*Recorded at B's house, Stoke-on-Trent, 13/8/08*
---
*K's computer is on the blink*
K: I've been recommended a program called "MOBOMON".
B: MOBOMON?
K: MOBOMON. It's short for "Mother Board Monitor". It should give me a more accurate measurement of the CPU's temperature.
B: Right.
*pause*
B: So it's not a device to tell you how Usher and Jamelia are doing in the charts?
K: No.
*pause*
B: That gag was either going to go down really well, or not.
K: You say that like it was ever a choice.
*Recorded at B's house, Stoke-on-Trent, 25/8/08*
*Recorded at B's house, Stoke-on-Trent, 28/3/08*
*having watched a trailer for the ITV programme Beat The Star, in which a member of the public competes against a celebrity over some mental and physical challenges, the tagline for which is "The loser of this is going to be gutted"*
B: "The loser of this is going to be gutted". And that's it.
K: Yes.
*pause*
K: Unless they mean literally gutted.
*Recorded at K's flat, Manchester, 19/4/08*
*K&B arrive back after a small shopping run*
K: An hour and a quarter. [until Doctor Who] What do you plan to do?
B: [brandishes razor] I plan to remove parts of my face that are no longer necessary.
K: Good luck with that.
B: [going upstairs] Thanks. I'll probably come back down covered in blood.
K: That's usually the sign of a shitty razor.
B: Or the sign of a shitty face.
*Recorded at B's house, Stoke-on-Trent, 17/5/08*
K: I won't be watching any of it.
*Recorded at B's house, 28/5/08*
*K&B are talking fanfic*
B: If you wrote plausible fanfic, you'd be a writer.
*pause*
B: We watch plausible fanfic.
K: It's called Torchwood.
*Recorded in Hartshill, Stoke-on-Trent, 15/6/08*
CA: I think there going to do his [Tony Stark's] alcoholism next film.
B: [in trailer voiceover voice] Iron Man: DRINK!
*Recorded at B's house, Stoke-on-Trent, 21/6/08*
K: The slogan for the Olympics is "One World, One Dream".
*pause*
K: You can't help but add "One Party" to the end.
*Recorded in B's house, Stoke-on-Trent, 6/8/08*
K: What's the line? "Lynx: the smell of cheap teenage desperation".
*pause*
B: Don't you wear Lynx?
K: Yes.
*pause*
K: When I remember.
*Recorded at B's house, Stoke-on-Trent, 13/8/08*
*K's computer is on the blink*
K: I've been recommended a program called "MOBOMON".
B: MOBOMON?
K: MOBOMON. It's short for "Mother Board Monitor". It should give me a more accurate measurement of the CPU's temperature.
B: Right.
*pause*
B: So it's not a device to tell you how Usher and Jamelia are doing in the charts?
K: No.
*pause*
B: That gag was either going to go down really well, or not.
K: You say that like it was ever a choice.
*Recorded at B's house, Stoke-on-Trent, 25/8/08*
Sandhurst Party May 31st-June 1st 2008
H: Darling, where's the rubber thing?
CosmicAvatar: Please be more specific!
---
Sam_Spade: There were some real idiots on the road... so I joined in.
---
Sam_Spade: Let the barbecuing of dead flesh begin!
Bally: Your loss of vegetarianism hasn't been subtle, has it?
Sam_Spade: I'm going seal clubbing this winter.
---
Caz: H, I got you when you were in mid-poke!
---
Caz: Is she listening to Girls Aloud? Urgh!
Bally: I admire your snobbery.
Caz: It's often practiced.
---
*discussing Star Trek fight music*
Bally: I have a clear memory of the standard 'Star Trek: Original Series' fight, with Kirk stripped to the waist fighting a bloke with a mace, but that's all I can remember about the episode.
Sam_Spade: It's a bit worrying that's all you can remember.
---
Caz: Ooh, an evil library! I work in one of those.
---
*on absinthe*
CosmicAvatar: It's like mouthwash... on acid!
---
Nemesis: Did you see Sarah Brightman on 'Jonathan Ross'? She was talking about Andrew Lloyd-Webber, and she said "He's got all this charisma"!
CosmicAvatar: I think she was confusing 'charisma' with 'bank balance'.
---
Graham Norton: And now, back for the final time, all our former Olivers and Nancies!
Kinitawowi: Losers!
---
CosmicAvatar: OK, what would you little maniacs want to do next?
Kinitawowi: Drink!
---
*during Ring Of Fire, launching a game of Word Association*
H: Rejoinder.
---
CosmicAvatar: My orifices are leaking!
---
Sam_Spade: I'll sell you my soul for a piss card!
Bally: I don't want your soul, I want something valuable.
---
CosmicAvatar: I'm just going to list the episodes and whoever shouts the loudest gets it. And then we may pick an episode.
---
Bally: Gladiators... ready! Contenders... ready!
Sam_Spade: Drunken WDers... ready!
---
*on piano*
CosmicAvatar: I cleaned that with my own spit!
---
*the Buffy episode Halloween is being watched*
CosmicAvatar: It's Ethan!
Caz: He's evil!
Gandalf: Thanks for spoiling it for me!
---
Tenchi_Muyo: That cat of yours... she really likes you.
Sam_Spade: She's piercing my nipple as we speak.
---
Nemesis: My uncle was very high up in some sort of potatoes.
---
Kinitawowi: I suppose I do need to go in and make a sober post at some point.
---
CosmicAvatar: Dave, you tart!
Caz: With a heart.
Gandalf: Not really.
---
CosmicAvatar: Fuck!
*pause*
CosmicAvatar: Not right now.
---
CosmicAvatar: Sweet! Pussy.
*pause*
CosmicAvatar: Not that way!
---
Tenchi_Muyo: It's not right that I'm no longer shocked and appalled at all this, it really isn't.
---
CosmicAvatar: Yay; washing up liquid.
---
Nemesis: That is a semi-colon, by the way.
Bally: Oh God! You've over-punctuated.
---
Nemesis: You can definitely publish my boobs.
---
CosmicAvatar: Hey! Who fast-forwarded my song?!
Kinitawowi: I was ordered.
Nemesis: He was ordered by people with their fingers in his hair.
---
Bally: Stop saying funny shit!
*pause*
Bally: I can only write so fast.
---
Nemesis: I feel like I'm flushed, but I'm still doing a good impression of a corpse.
---
CosmicAvatar: are you still talking about breasts?
Nemesis & Caz: No!
Kinitawowi: We're talking about guitars and fingering.
---
CosmicAvatar: Caz is very nice to sleep with.
---
Kinitawowi: Someone has a very squeaky pump.
---
*to Sam_Spade, who is using a foot-pump on airbed*
Tenchi_Muyo: It's OK, I have a machine you can use for that.
Bally: There's no point doing extra innuendo; I've put the quotebook away.
*pause*
Bally: Where is the quotebook?
---
Bally: And here he is!
*claps as Tenchi_Muyo enters the room*
Tenchi_Muyo: I'm giving you a quiz show host entrance. You should be grateful.
Sam_Spade: Or alarmed.
Bally: Either category is suitable.
---
Gandalf: I have a headache, which I think is totally unfair, as I only had two and a half drinks.
Sam_Spade: The solution must be more alcohol.
Tenchi_Muyo: I was going to say; if you've got a headahce, you might as well deserve it.
---
CosmicAvatar: It does look pretty.
Sam_Spade: That's exactly what a man needs to hear about his hair.
Kinitawowi: I am basically going to go somewhere midweek and say "I lost a bet".
---
Kinitawowi: I like Bally's snoring. It reminds me of my Grandad's coffee percolator.
---
Tenchi_Muyo: And the forecast for Stoke-on-Trent? Rain!
Bally: What a surprise!
Kinitawowi: Anyone would think there was a 'y' in the day.
Bally: I can't even be bothered to muster up some quality sarcasm.
---
Kinitawowi: You're not allowed to say anything negative, are you?
Nemesis: You have to spin everything positively.
Sam_Spade: You are positively the worst child I've ever taught.
---
*Alfred Molina and Harrison Ford hug on Raiders Of The Lost Ark*
Caz & CosmicAvatar: HoYay!
CosmicAvatar: You see it everywhere you look.
Gandalf: No, *you* see it everywhere you look.
---
*the LOVE YOU wink scene from Raiders*
Gandalf: None of my lecturers were like that.
Bally: Some of my students have a teacher like that.
*pause*
Callie: Have you met him?
---
Caz: He's being outacted by a monkey.
Bally: The monkey's probably had more training.
---
*the monkey takes a poisoned date*
Caz: No!
CosmicAvatar: But it's a bad monkey!
Gandalf: An evil monkey!
Caz: But I still don't want it to die!
Callie: It made its evil traitor monkey bed, and now it's got to lie in it.
---
Caz: This is not just an Ark...
Tenchi_Muyo: ... this is an M&S Ark.
---
*Caz has lost her purse. After a five minute search...*
Caz: Found it!
*round of applause*
Bally: The world will not end today after all!
Callie: Ah, bugger.
Sam_Spade: And someone had today in the sweepstake.
CosmicAvatar: Please be more specific!
Sam_Spade: There were some real idiots on the road... so I joined in.
Sam_Spade: Let the barbecuing of dead flesh begin!
Bally: Your loss of vegetarianism hasn't been subtle, has it?
Sam_Spade: I'm going seal clubbing this winter.
Caz: H, I got you when you were in mid-poke!
Caz: Is she listening to Girls Aloud? Urgh!
Bally: I admire your snobbery.
Caz: It's often practiced.
*discussing Star Trek fight music*
Bally: I have a clear memory of the standard 'Star Trek: Original Series' fight, with Kirk stripped to the waist fighting a bloke with a mace, but that's all I can remember about the episode.
Sam_Spade: It's a bit worrying that's all you can remember.
Caz: Ooh, an evil library! I work in one of those.
*on absinthe*
CosmicAvatar: It's like mouthwash... on acid!
Nemesis: Did you see Sarah Brightman on 'Jonathan Ross'? She was talking about Andrew Lloyd-Webber, and she said "He's got all this charisma"!
CosmicAvatar: I think she was confusing 'charisma' with 'bank balance'.
Graham Norton: And now, back for the final time, all our former Olivers and Nancies!
Kinitawowi: Losers!
CosmicAvatar: OK, what would you little maniacs want to do next?
Kinitawowi: Drink!
*during Ring Of Fire, launching a game of Word Association*
H: Rejoinder.
CosmicAvatar: My orifices are leaking!
Sam_Spade: I'll sell you my soul for a piss card!
Bally: I don't want your soul, I want something valuable.
CosmicAvatar: I'm just going to list the episodes and whoever shouts the loudest gets it. And then we may pick an episode.
Bally: Gladiators... ready! Contenders... ready!
Sam_Spade: Drunken WDers... ready!
*on piano*
CosmicAvatar: I cleaned that with my own spit!
*the Buffy episode Halloween is being watched*
CosmicAvatar: It's Ethan!
Caz: He's evil!
Gandalf: Thanks for spoiling it for me!
Tenchi_Muyo: That cat of yours... she really likes you.
Sam_Spade: She's piercing my nipple as we speak.
Nemesis: My uncle was very high up in some sort of potatoes.
Kinitawowi: I suppose I do need to go in and make a sober post at some point.
CosmicAvatar: Dave, you tart!
Caz: With a heart.
Gandalf: Not really.
CosmicAvatar: Fuck!
*pause*
CosmicAvatar: Not right now.
CosmicAvatar: Sweet! Pussy.
*pause*
CosmicAvatar: Not that way!
Tenchi_Muyo: It's not right that I'm no longer shocked and appalled at all this, it really isn't.
CosmicAvatar: Yay; washing up liquid.
Nemesis: That is a semi-colon, by the way.
Bally: Oh God! You've over-punctuated.
Nemesis: You can definitely publish my boobs.
CosmicAvatar: Hey! Who fast-forwarded my song?!
Kinitawowi: I was ordered.
Nemesis: He was ordered by people with their fingers in his hair.
Bally: Stop saying funny shit!
*pause*
Bally: I can only write so fast.
Nemesis: I feel like I'm flushed, but I'm still doing a good impression of a corpse.
CosmicAvatar: are you still talking about breasts?
Nemesis & Caz: No!
Kinitawowi: We're talking about guitars and fingering.
CosmicAvatar: Caz is very nice to sleep with.
Kinitawowi: Someone has a very squeaky pump.
*to Sam_Spade, who is using a foot-pump on airbed*
Tenchi_Muyo: It's OK, I have a machine you can use for that.
Bally: There's no point doing extra innuendo; I've put the quotebook away.
*pause*
Bally: Where is the quotebook?
Bally: And here he is!
*claps as Tenchi_Muyo enters the room*
Tenchi_Muyo: I'm giving you a quiz show host entrance. You should be grateful.
Sam_Spade: Or alarmed.
Bally: Either category is suitable.
Gandalf: I have a headache, which I think is totally unfair, as I only had two and a half drinks.
Sam_Spade: The solution must be more alcohol.
Tenchi_Muyo: I was going to say; if you've got a headahce, you might as well deserve it.
CosmicAvatar: It does look pretty.
Sam_Spade: That's exactly what a man needs to hear about his hair.
Kinitawowi: I am basically going to go somewhere midweek and say "I lost a bet".
Kinitawowi: I like Bally's snoring. It reminds me of my Grandad's coffee percolator.
Tenchi_Muyo: And the forecast for Stoke-on-Trent? Rain!
Bally: What a surprise!
Kinitawowi: Anyone would think there was a 'y' in the day.
Bally: I can't even be bothered to muster up some quality sarcasm.
Kinitawowi: You're not allowed to say anything negative, are you?
Nemesis: You have to spin everything positively.
Sam_Spade: You are positively the worst child I've ever taught.
*Alfred Molina and Harrison Ford hug on Raiders Of The Lost Ark*
Caz & CosmicAvatar: HoYay!
CosmicAvatar: You see it everywhere you look.
Gandalf: No, *you* see it everywhere you look.
*the LOVE YOU wink scene from Raiders*
Gandalf: None of my lecturers were like that.
Bally: Some of my students have a teacher like that.
*pause*
Callie: Have you met him?
Caz: He's being outacted by a monkey.
Bally: The monkey's probably had more training.
*the monkey takes a poisoned date*
Caz: No!
CosmicAvatar: But it's a bad monkey!
Gandalf: An evil monkey!
Caz: But I still don't want it to die!
Callie: It made its evil traitor monkey bed, and now it's got to lie in it.
Caz: This is not just an Ark...
Tenchi_Muyo: ... this is an M&S Ark.
*Caz has lost her purse. After a five minute search...*
Caz: Found it!
*round of applause*
Bally: The world will not end today after all!
Callie: Ah, bugger.
Sam_Spade: And someone had today in the sweepstake.
Tuesday, April 01, 2008
Stoke-on-Trent Party March 29th-30th 2008
Bally: Lewis Hamilton has no personality.
Tenchi_Muyo: Neither did Nigel Mansell.
Kinitawowi: He had a comedy moustache, though. That made up for it.
Bally: Mansell wins!
Sam_Spade: By moustache!
---
*the classified football results are on*
Bally: I don't know why they have that groovy music for this dour-voiced bloke.
Tenchi_Muyo: You'd probably find that, if there was a camera trained on him, he'd be sitting on a pink barstool wearing a purple tutu.
Bally: That's just your fantasy.
Tenchi_Muyo: I know. Leave me alone with it.
---
Kinitawowi: They introduced a computer room into my all-male hall and checked the logs after two weeks. They were surprised to discover that it was about 95% porn.
Bally: 95%! As little as that.
Tenchi_Muyo: The other 5% was Dave.
---
Bally: [to Sam_Spade] Do you go to many Saints games?
Sam_Spade: No, no.
*pause*
Sam_Spade: Well, they don't come to see me when I'm bad.
---
Delle: The Jelly Tots and cheese twists combination is a surprisingly good one.
Bally: And you're not even pregnant!
Delle: Not that I know of.
MUrt: Not that I know of, either!
---
*Family Guy is on - Peter is experimenting with being a Jehovah's Witness and knocks on the door of a man who invites him to talk about Jesus*
Peter Griffin: Jesus was a miracle worker, of sorts. Uh... he would travel from place to place, putting things right that once went wrong, and hoping each time that his next leap would be the leap home.
Delle: If that was what it was like to be a Jehovah's Witness, you could sign me up!
---
*Aston Villa manager Martin O'Neill is on-screen*
Kinitawowi: Get a real job!
*pause*
Kinitawowi: Seriously, he's wasted at Villa.
Bally: Probably every night. Ba-dum, tssh.
*pause*
Bally: I should write that down. Pass me the quotebook, we need to fill it up.
Sam_Spade: Don't devalue the quotebook, Simon.
---
*on Match Of The Day commentator Jacqui Oatley*
Sam_Spade: I don't mind a woman doing it per se, as long as she puts on a gruff voice.
Tenchi_Muyo: Neither did Nigel Mansell.
Kinitawowi: He had a comedy moustache, though. That made up for it.
Bally: Mansell wins!
Sam_Spade: By moustache!
*the classified football results are on*
Bally: I don't know why they have that groovy music for this dour-voiced bloke.
Tenchi_Muyo: You'd probably find that, if there was a camera trained on him, he'd be sitting on a pink barstool wearing a purple tutu.
Bally: That's just your fantasy.
Tenchi_Muyo: I know. Leave me alone with it.
Kinitawowi: They introduced a computer room into my all-male hall and checked the logs after two weeks. They were surprised to discover that it was about 95% porn.
Bally: 95%! As little as that.
Tenchi_Muyo: The other 5% was Dave.
Bally: [to Sam_Spade] Do you go to many Saints games?
Sam_Spade: No, no.
*pause*
Sam_Spade: Well, they don't come to see me when I'm bad.
Delle: The Jelly Tots and cheese twists combination is a surprisingly good one.
Bally: And you're not even pregnant!
Delle: Not that I know of.
MUrt: Not that I know of, either!
*Family Guy is on - Peter is experimenting with being a Jehovah's Witness and knocks on the door of a man who invites him to talk about Jesus*
Peter Griffin: Jesus was a miracle worker, of sorts. Uh... he would travel from place to place, putting things right that once went wrong, and hoping each time that his next leap would be the leap home.
Delle: If that was what it was like to be a Jehovah's Witness, you could sign me up!
*Aston Villa manager Martin O'Neill is on-screen*
Kinitawowi: Get a real job!
*pause*
Kinitawowi: Seriously, he's wasted at Villa.
Bally: Probably every night. Ba-dum, tssh.
*pause*
Bally: I should write that down. Pass me the quotebook, we need to fill it up.
Sam_Spade: Don't devalue the quotebook, Simon.
*on Match Of The Day commentator Jacqui Oatley*
Sam_Spade: I don't mind a woman doing it per se, as long as she puts on a gruff voice.
Saturday, March 01, 2008
The Kinitawowi & Bally Show, episode 25
TM: The coroner returned a verdict of "Rock!".
*Recorded in Basford, Stoke-on-Trent, 28/9/07*
---
K: The Last Samurai is actually a good film, if you can get past the idea that it's a Tom Cruise film.
B: See, I can't.
K: If you view it as a Ken Watanabe vehicle, it's awesome!
*Recorded in B's house, Stoke-on-Trent, 29/9/07*
---
TM: Tour De France, the game.
B: That could be quite good.
TM: Pedal like fuck.
B: No, it's a team game. Lots of strategy.
TM: Everybody pedal like fuck.
*Recorded in Forbidden Planet, Oldham Street, Manchester, 20/10/07*
---
*K has his hands over his ears; B looks at him quizzically*
K: My ears are cold, OK?
B: You want to get your head into some muffs.
K: *dispassionate, commanding* Insert joke here.
B: I just did that, didn't I?
*pause*
B: Besides, you can't say "insert" any more.
K: Another word on the list of words you can't use in polite company?
B: Yes.
K: So it's "insert", "moist" and "throb".
*Recorded in Basford, Stoke-on-Trent, 29/10/07*
---
*K&B are talking about the latest developments in House*
B: Was the number 23 interesting?
K: Hold on, let me check.
B: There's a list on Wikipedia, isn't there?
K: No, there's a list on my PC.
*Recorded over the phone, Manchester & Stoke-on-Trent, 16/11/07*
---
C: My landlord's a useless bastard.
B: So's mine.
*pause for incomprehension*
B: It's me.
C: I'm sure you're not a bastard.
*Recorded at All Bar One, Manchester, 2/12/07*
---
K: It's getting so cold I'm starting to consider wearing socks in bed.
TM: I do that anyway.
*pause*
B: Me too.
K: Fine! I can see I'm behind the times.
B: It's not peer pressure, Dave.
*Recorded in Leeds, 9/12/07*
---
*K, B and TM are watching the video for Motorhead's Ace Of Spades*
B: Those men are sweaty.
*one minute pause*
b: And hairy.
K: It was the seventies.
B: Sweat and hair were in!
*Recorded in K's flat, Manchester, 9/2/08*
---
K: Within six hours of this phone being switched on, I got a phone call from someone who wanted me to suck their dick.
*pause*
K: Only three people had my number: me, my Dad and BT.
*pause*
K: It didn't sound like my Dad, and BT assured me it wasn't them.
*Recorded in K's flat, Manchester, 9/2/08*
*Recorded in Basford, Stoke-on-Trent, 28/9/07*
K: The Last Samurai is actually a good film, if you can get past the idea that it's a Tom Cruise film.
B: See, I can't.
K: If you view it as a Ken Watanabe vehicle, it's awesome!
*Recorded in B's house, Stoke-on-Trent, 29/9/07*
TM: Tour De France, the game.
B: That could be quite good.
TM: Pedal like fuck.
B: No, it's a team game. Lots of strategy.
TM: Everybody pedal like fuck.
*Recorded in Forbidden Planet, Oldham Street, Manchester, 20/10/07*
*K has his hands over his ears; B looks at him quizzically*
K: My ears are cold, OK?
B: You want to get your head into some muffs.
K: *dispassionate, commanding* Insert joke here.
B: I just did that, didn't I?
*pause*
B: Besides, you can't say "insert" any more.
K: Another word on the list of words you can't use in polite company?
B: Yes.
K: So it's "insert", "moist" and "throb".
*Recorded in Basford, Stoke-on-Trent, 29/10/07*
*K&B are talking about the latest developments in House*
B: Was the number 23 interesting?
K: Hold on, let me check.
B: There's a list on Wikipedia, isn't there?
K: No, there's a list on my PC.
*Recorded over the phone, Manchester & Stoke-on-Trent, 16/11/07*
C: My landlord's a useless bastard.
B: So's mine.
*pause for incomprehension*
B: It's me.
C: I'm sure you're not a bastard.
*Recorded at All Bar One, Manchester, 2/12/07*
K: It's getting so cold I'm starting to consider wearing socks in bed.
TM: I do that anyway.
*pause*
B: Me too.
K: Fine! I can see I'm behind the times.
B: It's not peer pressure, Dave.
*Recorded in Leeds, 9/12/07*
*K, B and TM are watching the video for Motorhead's Ace Of Spades*
B: Those men are sweaty.
*one minute pause*
b: And hairy.
K: It was the seventies.
B: Sweat and hair were in!
*Recorded in K's flat, Manchester, 9/2/08*
K: Within six hours of this phone being switched on, I got a phone call from someone who wanted me to suck their dick.
*pause*
K: Only three people had my number: me, my Dad and BT.
*pause*
K: It didn't sound like my Dad, and BT assured me it wasn't them.
*Recorded in K's flat, Manchester, 9/2/08*
