Thursday, October 30, 2008
The Kinitawowi & Bally Show, episode 26
K: No good food begins with "re".
*Recorded at B's house, Stoke-on-Trent, 28/3/08*
---
*having watched a trailer for the ITV programme Beat The Star, in which a member of the public competes against a celebrity over some mental and physical challenges, the tagline for which is "The loser of this is going to be gutted"*
B: "The loser of this is going to be gutted". And that's it.
K: Yes.
*pause*
K: Unless they mean literally gutted.
*Recorded at K's flat, Manchester, 19/4/08*
---
*K&B arrive back after a small shopping run*
K: An hour and a quarter. [until Doctor Who] What do you plan to do?
B: [brandishes razor] I plan to remove parts of my face that are no longer necessary.
K: Good luck with that.
B: [going upstairs] Thanks. I'll probably come back down covered in blood.
K: That's usually the sign of a shitty razor.
B: Or the sign of a shitty face.
*Recorded at B's house, Stoke-on-Trent, 17/5/08*
---
K: I won't be watching any of it. You can watch France vs. Italy if you like - I'll be using that time to go upstairs and download porn.
*Recorded at B's house, 28/5/08*
---
*K&B are talking fanfic*
B: If you wrote plausible fanfic, you'd be a writer.
*pause*
B: We watch plausible fanfic.
K: It's called Torchwood.
*Recorded in Hartshill, Stoke-on-Trent, 15/6/08*
---
CA: I think there going to do his [Tony Stark's] alcoholism next film.
B: [in trailer voiceover voice] Iron Man: DRINK!
*Recorded at B's house, Stoke-on-Trent, 21/6/08*
---
K: The slogan for the Olympics is "One World, One Dream".
*pause*
K: You can't help but add "One Party" to the end.
*Recorded in B's house, Stoke-on-Trent, 6/8/08*
---
K: What's the line? "Lynx: the smell of cheap teenage desperation".
*pause*
B: Don't you wear Lynx?
K: Yes.
*pause*
K: When I remember.
*Recorded at B's house, Stoke-on-Trent, 13/8/08*
---
*K's computer is on the blink*
K: I've been recommended a program called "MOBOMON".
B: MOBOMON?
K: MOBOMON. It's short for "Mother Board Monitor". It should give me a more accurate measurement of the CPU's temperature.
B: Right.
*pause*
B: So it's not a device to tell you how Usher and Jamelia are doing in the charts?
K: No.
*pause*
B: That gag was either going to go down really well, or not.
K: You say that like it was ever a choice.
*Recorded at B's house, Stoke-on-Trent, 25/8/08*
*Recorded at B's house, Stoke-on-Trent, 28/3/08*
*having watched a trailer for the ITV programme Beat The Star, in which a member of the public competes against a celebrity over some mental and physical challenges, the tagline for which is "The loser of this is going to be gutted"*
B: "The loser of this is going to be gutted". And that's it.
K: Yes.
*pause*
K: Unless they mean literally gutted.
*Recorded at K's flat, Manchester, 19/4/08*
*K&B arrive back after a small shopping run*
K: An hour and a quarter. [until Doctor Who] What do you plan to do?
B: [brandishes razor] I plan to remove parts of my face that are no longer necessary.
K: Good luck with that.
B: [going upstairs] Thanks. I'll probably come back down covered in blood.
K: That's usually the sign of a shitty razor.
B: Or the sign of a shitty face.
*Recorded at B's house, Stoke-on-Trent, 17/5/08*
K: I won't be watching any of it.
*Recorded at B's house, 28/5/08*
*K&B are talking fanfic*
B: If you wrote plausible fanfic, you'd be a writer.
*pause*
B: We watch plausible fanfic.
K: It's called Torchwood.
*Recorded in Hartshill, Stoke-on-Trent, 15/6/08*
CA: I think there going to do his [Tony Stark's] alcoholism next film.
B: [in trailer voiceover voice] Iron Man: DRINK!
*Recorded at B's house, Stoke-on-Trent, 21/6/08*
K: The slogan for the Olympics is "One World, One Dream".
*pause*
K: You can't help but add "One Party" to the end.
*Recorded in B's house, Stoke-on-Trent, 6/8/08*
K: What's the line? "Lynx: the smell of cheap teenage desperation".
*pause*
B: Don't you wear Lynx?
K: Yes.
*pause*
K: When I remember.
*Recorded at B's house, Stoke-on-Trent, 13/8/08*
*K's computer is on the blink*
K: I've been recommended a program called "MOBOMON".
B: MOBOMON?
K: MOBOMON. It's short for "Mother Board Monitor". It should give me a more accurate measurement of the CPU's temperature.
B: Right.
*pause*
B: So it's not a device to tell you how Usher and Jamelia are doing in the charts?
K: No.
*pause*
B: That gag was either going to go down really well, or not.
K: You say that like it was ever a choice.
*Recorded at B's house, Stoke-on-Trent, 25/8/08*
Sandhurst Party May 31st-June 1st 2008
H: Darling, where's the rubber thing?
CosmicAvatar: Please be more specific!
---
Sam_Spade: There were some real idiots on the road... so I joined in.
---
Sam_Spade: Let the barbecuing of dead flesh begin!
Bally: Your loss of vegetarianism hasn't been subtle, has it?
Sam_Spade: I'm going seal clubbing this winter.
---
Caz: H, I got you when you were in mid-poke!
---
Caz: Is she listening to Girls Aloud? Urgh!
Bally: I admire your snobbery.
Caz: It's often practiced.
---
*discussing Star Trek fight music*
Bally: I have a clear memory of the standard 'Star Trek: Original Series' fight, with Kirk stripped to the waist fighting a bloke with a mace, but that's all I can remember about the episode.
Sam_Spade: It's a bit worrying that's all you can remember.
---
Caz: Ooh, an evil library! I work in one of those.
---
*on absinthe*
CosmicAvatar: It's like mouthwash... on acid!
---
Nemesis: Did you see Sarah Brightman on 'Jonathan Ross'? She was talking about Andrew Lloyd-Webber, and she said "He's got all this charisma"!
CosmicAvatar: I think she was confusing 'charisma' with 'bank balance'.
---
Graham Norton: And now, back for the final time, all our former Olivers and Nancies!
Kinitawowi: Losers!
---
CosmicAvatar: OK, what would you little maniacs want to do next?
Kinitawowi: Drink!
---
*during Ring Of Fire, launching a game of Word Association*
H: Rejoinder.
---
CosmicAvatar: My orifices are leaking!
---
Sam_Spade: I'll sell you my soul for a piss card!
Bally: I don't want your soul, I want something valuable.
---
CosmicAvatar: I'm just going to list the episodes and whoever shouts the loudest gets it. And then we may pick an episode.
---
Bally: Gladiators... ready! Contenders... ready!
Sam_Spade: Drunken WDers... ready!
---
*on piano*
CosmicAvatar: I cleaned that with my own spit!
---
*the Buffy episode Halloween is being watched*
CosmicAvatar: It's Ethan!
Caz: He's evil!
Gandalf: Thanks for spoiling it for me!
---
Tenchi_Muyo: That cat of yours... she really likes you.
Sam_Spade: She's piercing my nipple as we speak.
---
Nemesis: My uncle was very high up in some sort of potatoes.
---
Kinitawowi: I suppose I do need to go in and make a sober post at some point.
---
CosmicAvatar: Dave, you tart!
Caz: With a heart.
Gandalf: Not really.
---
CosmicAvatar: Fuck!
*pause*
CosmicAvatar: Not right now.
---
CosmicAvatar: Sweet! Pussy.
*pause*
CosmicAvatar: Not that way!
---
Tenchi_Muyo: It's not right that I'm no longer shocked and appalled at all this, it really isn't.
---
CosmicAvatar: Yay; washing up liquid.
---
Nemesis: That is a semi-colon, by the way.
Bally: Oh God! You've over-punctuated.
---
Nemesis: You can definitely publish my boobs.
---
CosmicAvatar: Hey! Who fast-forwarded my song?!
Kinitawowi: I was ordered.
Nemesis: He was ordered by people with their fingers in his hair.
---
Bally: Stop saying funny shit!
*pause*
Bally: I can only write so fast.
---
Nemesis: I feel like I'm flushed, but I'm still doing a good impression of a corpse.
---
CosmicAvatar: are you still talking about breasts?
Nemesis & Caz: No!
Kinitawowi: We're talking about guitars and fingering.
---
CosmicAvatar: Caz is very nice to sleep with.
---
Kinitawowi: Someone has a very squeaky pump.
---
*to Sam_Spade, who is using a foot-pump on airbed*
Tenchi_Muyo: It's OK, I have a machine you can use for that.
Bally: There's no point doing extra innuendo; I've put the quotebook away.
*pause*
Bally: Where is the quotebook?
---
Bally: And here he is!
*claps as Tenchi_Muyo enters the room*
Tenchi_Muyo: I'm giving you a quiz show host entrance. You should be grateful.
Sam_Spade: Or alarmed.
Bally: Either category is suitable.
---
Gandalf: I have a headache, which I think is totally unfair, as I only had two and a half drinks.
Sam_Spade: The solution must be more alcohol.
Tenchi_Muyo: I was going to say; if you've got a headahce, you might as well deserve it.
---
CosmicAvatar: It does look pretty.
Sam_Spade: That's exactly what a man needs to hear about his hair.
Kinitawowi: I am basically going to go somewhere midweek and say "I lost a bet".
---
Kinitawowi: I like Bally's snoring. It reminds me of my Grandad's coffee percolator.
---
Tenchi_Muyo: And the forecast for Stoke-on-Trent? Rain!
Bally: What a surprise!
Kinitawowi: Anyone would think there was a 'y' in the day.
Bally: I can't even be bothered to muster up some quality sarcasm.
---
Kinitawowi: You're not allowed to say anything negative, are you?
Nemesis: You have to spin everything positively.
Sam_Spade: You are positively the worst child I've ever taught.
---
*Alfred Molina and Harrison Ford hug on Raiders Of The Lost Ark*
Caz & CosmicAvatar: HoYay!
CosmicAvatar: You see it everywhere you look.
Gandalf: No, *you* see it everywhere you look.
---
*the LOVE YOU wink scene from Raiders*
Gandalf: None of my lecturers were like that.
Bally: Some of my students have a teacher like that.
*pause*
Callie: Have you met him?
---
Caz: He's being outacted by a monkey.
Bally: The monkey's probably had more training.
---
*the monkey takes a poisoned date*
Caz: No!
CosmicAvatar: But it's a bad monkey!
Gandalf: An evil monkey!
Caz: But I still don't want it to die!
Callie: It made its evil traitor monkey bed, and now it's got to lie in it.
---
Caz: This is not just an Ark...
Tenchi_Muyo: ... this is an M&S Ark.
---
*Caz has lost her purse. After a five minute search...*
Caz: Found it!
*round of applause*
Bally: The world will not end today after all!
Callie: Ah, bugger.
Sam_Spade: And someone had today in the sweepstake.
CosmicAvatar: Please be more specific!
Sam_Spade: There were some real idiots on the road... so I joined in.
Sam_Spade: Let the barbecuing of dead flesh begin!
Bally: Your loss of vegetarianism hasn't been subtle, has it?
Sam_Spade: I'm going seal clubbing this winter.
Caz: H, I got you when you were in mid-poke!
Caz: Is she listening to Girls Aloud? Urgh!
Bally: I admire your snobbery.
Caz: It's often practiced.
*discussing Star Trek fight music*
Bally: I have a clear memory of the standard 'Star Trek: Original Series' fight, with Kirk stripped to the waist fighting a bloke with a mace, but that's all I can remember about the episode.
Sam_Spade: It's a bit worrying that's all you can remember.
Caz: Ooh, an evil library! I work in one of those.
*on absinthe*
CosmicAvatar: It's like mouthwash... on acid!
Nemesis: Did you see Sarah Brightman on 'Jonathan Ross'? She was talking about Andrew Lloyd-Webber, and she said "He's got all this charisma"!
CosmicAvatar: I think she was confusing 'charisma' with 'bank balance'.
Graham Norton: And now, back for the final time, all our former Olivers and Nancies!
Kinitawowi: Losers!
CosmicAvatar: OK, what would you little maniacs want to do next?
Kinitawowi: Drink!
*during Ring Of Fire, launching a game of Word Association*
H: Rejoinder.
CosmicAvatar: My orifices are leaking!
Sam_Spade: I'll sell you my soul for a piss card!
Bally: I don't want your soul, I want something valuable.
CosmicAvatar: I'm just going to list the episodes and whoever shouts the loudest gets it. And then we may pick an episode.
Bally: Gladiators... ready! Contenders... ready!
Sam_Spade: Drunken WDers... ready!
*on piano*
CosmicAvatar: I cleaned that with my own spit!
*the Buffy episode Halloween is being watched*
CosmicAvatar: It's Ethan!
Caz: He's evil!
Gandalf: Thanks for spoiling it for me!
Tenchi_Muyo: That cat of yours... she really likes you.
Sam_Spade: She's piercing my nipple as we speak.
Nemesis: My uncle was very high up in some sort of potatoes.
Kinitawowi: I suppose I do need to go in and make a sober post at some point.
CosmicAvatar: Dave, you tart!
Caz: With a heart.
Gandalf: Not really.
CosmicAvatar: Fuck!
*pause*
CosmicAvatar: Not right now.
CosmicAvatar: Sweet! Pussy.
*pause*
CosmicAvatar: Not that way!
Tenchi_Muyo: It's not right that I'm no longer shocked and appalled at all this, it really isn't.
CosmicAvatar: Yay; washing up liquid.
Nemesis: That is a semi-colon, by the way.
Bally: Oh God! You've over-punctuated.
Nemesis: You can definitely publish my boobs.
CosmicAvatar: Hey! Who fast-forwarded my song?!
Kinitawowi: I was ordered.
Nemesis: He was ordered by people with their fingers in his hair.
Bally: Stop saying funny shit!
*pause*
Bally: I can only write so fast.
Nemesis: I feel like I'm flushed, but I'm still doing a good impression of a corpse.
CosmicAvatar: are you still talking about breasts?
Nemesis & Caz: No!
Kinitawowi: We're talking about guitars and fingering.
CosmicAvatar: Caz is very nice to sleep with.
Kinitawowi: Someone has a very squeaky pump.
*to Sam_Spade, who is using a foot-pump on airbed*
Tenchi_Muyo: It's OK, I have a machine you can use for that.
Bally: There's no point doing extra innuendo; I've put the quotebook away.
*pause*
Bally: Where is the quotebook?
Bally: And here he is!
*claps as Tenchi_Muyo enters the room*
Tenchi_Muyo: I'm giving you a quiz show host entrance. You should be grateful.
Sam_Spade: Or alarmed.
Bally: Either category is suitable.
Gandalf: I have a headache, which I think is totally unfair, as I only had two and a half drinks.
Sam_Spade: The solution must be more alcohol.
Tenchi_Muyo: I was going to say; if you've got a headahce, you might as well deserve it.
CosmicAvatar: It does look pretty.
Sam_Spade: That's exactly what a man needs to hear about his hair.
Kinitawowi: I am basically going to go somewhere midweek and say "I lost a bet".
Kinitawowi: I like Bally's snoring. It reminds me of my Grandad's coffee percolator.
Tenchi_Muyo: And the forecast for Stoke-on-Trent? Rain!
Bally: What a surprise!
Kinitawowi: Anyone would think there was a 'y' in the day.
Bally: I can't even be bothered to muster up some quality sarcasm.
Kinitawowi: You're not allowed to say anything negative, are you?
Nemesis: You have to spin everything positively.
Sam_Spade: You are positively the worst child I've ever taught.
*Alfred Molina and Harrison Ford hug on Raiders Of The Lost Ark*
Caz & CosmicAvatar: HoYay!
CosmicAvatar: You see it everywhere you look.
Gandalf: No, *you* see it everywhere you look.
*the LOVE YOU wink scene from Raiders*
Gandalf: None of my lecturers were like that.
Bally: Some of my students have a teacher like that.
*pause*
Callie: Have you met him?
Caz: He's being outacted by a monkey.
Bally: The monkey's probably had more training.
*the monkey takes a poisoned date*
Caz: No!
CosmicAvatar: But it's a bad monkey!
Gandalf: An evil monkey!
Caz: But I still don't want it to die!
Callie: It made its evil traitor monkey bed, and now it's got to lie in it.
Caz: This is not just an Ark...
Tenchi_Muyo: ... this is an M&S Ark.
*Caz has lost her purse. After a five minute search...*
Caz: Found it!
*round of applause*
Bally: The world will not end today after all!
Callie: Ah, bugger.
Sam_Spade: And someone had today in the sweepstake.
