Sunday, July 17, 2005
London Party July 16 2005
Tenchi_Muyo: We're branching out in the roasting business.
*pause*
Tenchi_Muyo: We roasted a giraffe recently.
---
Gandalf: Do you know why Adam isn't here?
Steorra: No.
Gandalf: He's getting a sexy change.
---
CosmicAvatar: Bitch! You're lucky you're over there. And I can't be arsed to get up.
---
Gandalf: I separate mine [DVDs] into 'IKEA bag, other IKEA bag'.
---
*CosmicAvatar is taking orders for a doughnut run*
Sam_Spade: Chocolate with custard sounds... fattening.
---
Tenchi_Muyo: I can just see that. "Say one hundred Hail Marys and go see 'Batman & Robin'".
---
*CosmicAvatar has handed out doughnuts to all*
CosmicAvatar: There will now be a moment of silence.
---
Tenchi_Muyo: Richard Hammond has been voted sexiest man in some magazine.
Sam_Spade: Richard Hammond Monthly, I expect.
---
Bally: I have a great ass.
*pause*
Kinitawowi: Where do you keep it?
---
Bally: [to CosmicAvatar] We'll visit you in your old age.
Tenchi_Muyo: Yeah, next week.
---
CosmicAvatar: You have to put your fingers in certain places.
---
Bally: [to Gandalf] Are you telling us you've experienced naked Bruce many times?!
---
Kahlan: Amanda, we should probably call each other more names.
Gandalf: What, like diddums?
---
Steorra: [on Kahlan's driving licence photo] Did they elongate it or did you just need to have a longer face?
---
Gandalf: Are you going to come back?
Sam_Spade: I think I'll have to, just to make sure this was real.
---
Bally: [on geswho] He's a god!
*pause*
Tenchi_Muyo: We roasted a giraffe recently.
Gandalf: Do you know why Adam isn't here?
Steorra: No.
Gandalf: He's getting a sexy change.
CosmicAvatar: Bitch! You're lucky you're over there. And I can't be arsed to get up.
Gandalf: I separate mine [DVDs] into 'IKEA bag, other IKEA bag'.
*CosmicAvatar is taking orders for a doughnut run*
Sam_Spade: Chocolate with custard sounds... fattening.
Tenchi_Muyo: I can just see that. "Say one hundred Hail Marys and go see 'Batman & Robin'".
*CosmicAvatar has handed out doughnuts to all*
CosmicAvatar: There will now be a moment of silence.
Tenchi_Muyo: Richard Hammond has been voted sexiest man in some magazine.
Sam_Spade: Richard Hammond Monthly, I expect.
Bally: I have a great ass.
*pause*
Kinitawowi: Where do you keep it?
Bally: [to CosmicAvatar] We'll visit you in your old age.
Tenchi_Muyo: Yeah, next week.
CosmicAvatar: You have to put your fingers in certain places.
Bally: [to Gandalf] Are you telling us you've experienced naked Bruce many times?!
Kahlan: Amanda, we should probably call each other more names.
Gandalf: What, like diddums?
Steorra: [on Kahlan's driving licence photo] Did they elongate it or did you just need to have a longer face?
Gandalf: Are you going to come back?
Sam_Spade: I think I'll have to, just to make sure this was real.
Bally: [on geswho] He's a god!
Thursday, July 07, 2005
Edinburgh Party July 1-3 2005
Uberuce: [in deep Braveheart-style voice] You remind me of my daughter.
CosmicAvatar: Geddoff!
Later...
Uberuce: [to CosmicAvatar] I honestly don't remember doing anything to you. Did I lick your face?
CosmicAvatar: No.
Uberuce: Ahh, that's okay, then.
Lucretia: Now, Bruce, remember she is a married woman.
*pause*
Lucretia: And therefore an easier target.
CosmicAvatar: [to Lucretia] You have herpes!
Lucretia: [to Kahlan] You told on me!
*People are watching Live 8*
CosmicAvatar: [in the style of Bob Geldof] Give us your focking money now!
All: PEOPLE ARE DYING!!
Kahlan: Feed the Welsh!
Lucretia: [describing an exhibition she and Kahlan attended] And I can't work out what's wrong with this guy...
Kahlan: He had tits.
*people are reaching for food to soak up some of the alcohol*
Kahlan: Eating is cheating!
Uberuce: Cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt [continues for several minutes]
CosmicAvatar: Prick.
Uberuce: I can make a pair of shorts out of you. [points at Liefde] The scrotum component can come from here.
*Uberuce has started doing the rounds of the WD females and taking pictures of their cleavages*
Uberuce: [to Kahlan] Tits, please.
CosmicAvatar: Bruce is a bust conductor.
Kahlan: [to Steorra] There's a special place in hell for people like you.
Steorra: Cool.
Uberuce: Yes, there are now eight levels of hell.
Steorra: Is there wine? And bosoms in this hell?
Uberuce: Yes, but they're in a shop that says Back In Five Minutes....For All Eternity!
Lucretia: Please! Dave! Please! Tell me everything you've ever done sexually, now! Quick!
*heavy silence*
Uberuce: We're talking fantasy shag, not been there, done that, wiped the shit off my cock shag.
Uberuce: You know I'd never hurt you. Unless sexually.
Uberuce: My dad fisted me every day until I was fifteen.
Steorra: That explains a lot.
Uberuce: It made a man of me. [Points to Kahlan] I can pass a turd the size of your thigh, madam.
Uberuce: For the record, my dad is the nicest man you could hope to meet. He never sexually assaulted me as a child.
*pause*
Uberuce: I asked him loads of times...
*Various people are taking turns to stick their heads out of the window and shout stuff at the top of their lungs*
Renfield: Burn them!!
Jenny: Scrotum!!
Uberuce: Tits!!
Jenny: Genitalia!!!
CosmicAvatar: Geddoff!
Later...
Uberuce: [to CosmicAvatar] I honestly don't remember doing anything to you. Did I lick your face?
CosmicAvatar: No.
Uberuce: Ahh, that's okay, then.
Lucretia: Now, Bruce, remember she is a married woman.
*pause*
Lucretia: And therefore an easier target.
CosmicAvatar: [to Lucretia] You have herpes!
Lucretia: [to Kahlan] You told on me!
*People are watching Live 8*
CosmicAvatar: [in the style of Bob Geldof] Give us your focking money now!
All: PEOPLE ARE DYING!!
Kahlan: Feed the Welsh!
Lucretia: [describing an exhibition she and Kahlan attended] And I can't work out what's wrong with this guy...
Kahlan: He had tits.
*people are reaching for food to soak up some of the alcohol*
Kahlan: Eating is cheating!
Uberuce: Cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt [continues for several minutes]
CosmicAvatar: Prick.
Uberuce: I can make a pair of shorts out of you. [points at Liefde] The scrotum component can come from here.
*Uberuce has started doing the rounds of the WD females and taking pictures of their cleavages*
Uberuce: [to Kahlan] Tits, please.
CosmicAvatar: Bruce is a bust conductor.
Kahlan: [to Steorra] There's a special place in hell for people like you.
Steorra: Cool.
Uberuce: Yes, there are now eight levels of hell.
Steorra: Is there wine? And bosoms in this hell?
Uberuce: Yes, but they're in a shop that says Back In Five Minutes....For All Eternity!
Lucretia: Please! Dave! Please! Tell me everything you've ever done sexually, now! Quick!
*heavy silence*
Uberuce: We're talking fantasy shag, not been there, done that, wiped the shit off my cock shag.
Uberuce: You know I'd never hurt you. Unless sexually.
Uberuce: My dad fisted me every day until I was fifteen.
Steorra: That explains a lot.
Uberuce: It made a man of me. [Points to Kahlan] I can pass a turd the size of your thigh, madam.
Uberuce: For the record, my dad is the nicest man you could hope to meet. He never sexually assaulted me as a child.
*pause*
Uberuce: I asked him loads of times...
*Various people are taking turns to stick their heads out of the window and shout stuff at the top of their lungs*
Renfield: Burn them!!
Jenny: Scrotum!!
Uberuce: Tits!!
Jenny: Genitalia!!!
Saturday, July 02, 2005
The Kinitawowi & Bally Show, episode 13
*K, B and TM are watching The Two Ronnies Scrapbook*
B: That was funny-adjacent.
K: It was probably more funny at the time.
*pause*
K: Maybe you had to be then.
Recorded at the house, Stockport, 1/4/05
---
*B relates the news to K that The Corrs are rumoured to be recording an Irish album*
K: I must admit I find the idea of The Corrs recording an Irish album funny. It's like Oasis' Manc album.
B: Or Radiohead's Oxford work!
K: "In news today, water is wet!"
B: "Film at eleven!"
Recorded at the house, Stockport, 14/4/05
---
*K relates a joke Matt told him earlier*
K: I went to a barbecue the other day.
*pause*
K: It took me ages to get a haircut.
B: That was shit.
*pause*
B: No, really shit.
K: Keep going...
Recorded at the house, Stockport, 21/4/05
---
TM: Goodnight, dudes! I'll see you tomorrow morning.
*B looks meaningfully at K*
B: Erm.
K: I managed it today! Give me some credit.
B: Yes, Dave, you deserve credit. Let me suck your cock!
*pause*
K: And on that note...
B: Hey, oral sex is a good note!
K: Yeah, it's anal sex that's a bum note.
Recorded at the house, Stockport, 1/5/05
---
*K has just got off phone during which it sounds like his Dad has asked him to do something*
*B adopts slightly higher-pitched voice, puts hands on hips and swings his butt out to the left*
B: Looks like Charlie's given us another mission, Bosley!
*pause*
*K slaps B in face*
Recorded at the house, Stockport, 7/5/05
---
*B has left his nail clippers at his parents; K holds up his toenail clippers*
B: Those are toenail clippers!
K: They clip nails!
B: How do you know?
K: I've used similar before. I'm currently using a pair to trim my face.
B: Ohhhh!
K: I can't find my wire cutters!
Recorded at the house, Stockport, 1/6/05
---
*K&B are watching an advert for the CD compilation Dad Rocks*
K: But what are they going to do without a Rover to put it in?
Recorded at the house, Stockport, 5/6/05
---
*B says something really really daft*
B: You are now looking up contract killers on the Internet.
K: No, I'm trying to remove a bit of duck fat from my teeth.
*pause*
K: I could look up contract killers. Would you like to meet contract killers in your area? Ring this number! Calls cost £2 a second. Calls may be monitored for training purposes.
Recorded at the house, Stockport, 6/6/05
---
*K&B are trying to recall Arnold Schwarzenegger films*
B: I have a very poor joke.
K: *resignedly* Go on.
B: There was that one where he was a hairdresser.
*pause*
B: The Perminator.
K: I was actually expecting Conan The Barber.
Recorded at the house, Stockport, 9/6/05
B: That was funny-adjacent.
K: It was probably more funny at the time.
*pause*
K: Maybe you had to be then.
Recorded at the house, Stockport, 1/4/05
*B relates the news to K that The Corrs are rumoured to be recording an Irish album*
K: I must admit I find the idea of The Corrs recording an Irish album funny. It's like Oasis' Manc album.
B: Or Radiohead's Oxford work!
K: "In news today, water is wet!"
B: "Film at eleven!"
Recorded at the house, Stockport, 14/4/05
*K relates a joke Matt told him earlier*
K: I went to a barbecue the other day.
*pause*
K: It took me ages to get a haircut.
B: That was shit.
*pause*
B: No, really shit.
K: Keep going...
Recorded at the house, Stockport, 21/4/05
TM: Goodnight, dudes! I'll see you tomorrow morning.
*B looks meaningfully at K*
B: Erm.
K: I managed it today! Give me some credit.
B: Yes, Dave, you deserve credit. Let me suck your cock!
*pause*
K: And on that note...
B: Hey, oral sex is a good note!
K: Yeah, it's anal sex that's a bum note.
Recorded at the house, Stockport, 1/5/05
*K has just got off phone during which it sounds like his Dad has asked him to do something*
*B adopts slightly higher-pitched voice, puts hands on hips and swings his butt out to the left*
B: Looks like Charlie's given us another mission, Bosley!
*pause*
*K slaps B in face*
Recorded at the house, Stockport, 7/5/05
*B has left his nail clippers at his parents; K holds up his toenail clippers*
B: Those are toenail clippers!
K: They clip nails!
B: How do you know?
K: I've used similar before. I'm currently using a pair to trim my face.
B: Ohhhh!
K: I can't find my wire cutters!
Recorded at the house, Stockport, 1/6/05
*K&B are watching an advert for the CD compilation Dad Rocks*
K: But what are they going to do without a Rover to put it in?
Recorded at the house, Stockport, 5/6/05
*B says something really really daft*
B: You are now looking up contract killers on the Internet.
K: No, I'm trying to remove a bit of duck fat from my teeth.
*pause*
K: I could look up contract killers. Would you like to meet contract killers in your area? Ring this number! Calls cost £2 a second. Calls may be monitored for training purposes.
Recorded at the house, Stockport, 6/6/05
*K&B are trying to recall Arnold Schwarzenegger films*
B: I have a very poor joke.
K: *resignedly* Go on.
B: There was that one where he was a hairdresser.
*pause*
B: The Perminator.
K: I was actually expecting Conan The Barber.
Recorded at the house, Stockport, 9/6/05
