Tuesday, February 28, 2006
The Kinitawowi & Bally Show, episode 17
B: I'm going out to Tesco. D'you want anything?
*pause*
K: A couple of high-class prostitutes.
*pause*
K: Plus, y'know, whatever you want.
*Recorded at the house, Stockport, 25/11/05*
---
K: Have you ever tried to spread Anchor Spreadable?
B: No.
K: It's roughly equivalent to trying to spread house bricks. It is possible, if you spend three hours beforehand reducing it to its component atoms.
*Recorded at the house, Stockport, 4/12/05*
---
*K's computer has a virus*
TM: Has it found it?
K: Nope. No viruses, no ad programs, no spambots, no nothing.
B: So what's the next course of action?
K: I fart.
*does so*
*Recorded at the house, Stockport, 29/12/05*
---
K: Well, I suppose we'd better get some drinks, then.
B: Oh, do we have to?
K: We could see the New Year in with Tic-Tacs.
*Recorded at the house, Stockport, 31/12/05*
---
B: I must say, you should get your hair cut with all available speed. You're beginning to look like Kelly Clarkson.
K: I am also slowly but surely losing the gift of sight.
*Recorded at the house, Stockport, 1/1/06*
---
K: See, this is the thing. Although I do win a hundred quid on the Premium Bonds, I don't invest it. It just goes straight into my bank account and I piss it away on Coke. Or Coke it away on piss, whichever way you look at it.
*Recorded just outside Dave's house, Stockport, 13/1/06*
---
*K, B and TM are talking about B's desire to upgrade his computer*
TM: You could get a laptop.
B: Dave, he mentioned the 'L' word.
K: Lorries?
TM: Lesbians?
K: Now, which of those would you prefer?
B: Y'see, a lesbian is a woman who will never shag me. I don't see the point.
*pause whilst K stares at him*
B: I think I may have just handed in my pass at the men's club.
*Recored in Dave's house, Stockport, 14/1/06*
---
*K, B and TM are watching darts; there is a post-match interview with a player who did particularly poorly and is making excuses*
K: Why doesn't he just say, 'I was shite, give me beer'?
*Recorded in Simon's house, Stoke-on-Trent, 14/1/06*
---
*K, B and TM are playing cards when there is a small noise*
B: Did someone's phone just go off?
*pause*
TM: No, I farted.
*Recorded in Simon's house, Stoke-on-Trent, 14/1/06*
---
*Bonus scene during credits for House fans only*
[Begin Spoiler for Season 2 House; events vaguely described from episode "The Mistake" up to and including "Distractions" - Highlight to view]
*Channel Five, who show House on terrestrial TV in Britain, have been running ads for it*
*each one is a close-up of one of the character's faces with the caption 'What price?'*
*up to this point, B has identified House's ('What price genius?'), Foreman's ('What price ambition?'), Chase's ('What price approval?') and Cameron's ('What price devotion?')*
*TM is flipping through the Saturday Times magazine and finds House ads which B has not seen*
B: There's a Cuddy! <'What price honesty?'> That means there's a Wilson!
*tries to think*
B: What price...
K: GAY?!
*Recorded in Simon's house, Stoke-on-Trent, 14/1/06*
*pause*
K: A couple of high-class prostitutes.
*pause*
K: Plus, y'know, whatever you want.
*Recorded at the house, Stockport, 25/11/05*
K: Have you ever tried to spread Anchor Spreadable?
B: No.
K: It's roughly equivalent to trying to spread house bricks. It is possible, if you spend three hours beforehand reducing it to its component atoms.
*Recorded at the house, Stockport, 4/12/05*
*K's computer has a virus*
TM: Has it
K: Nope. No viruses, no ad programs, no spambots, no nothing.
B: So what's the next course of action?
K: I fart.
*does so*
*Recorded at the house, Stockport, 29/12/05*
K: Well, I suppose we'd better get some drinks, then.
B: Oh, do we have to?
K: We could see the New Year in with Tic-Tacs.
*Recorded at the house, Stockport, 31/12/05*
B: I must say, you should get your hair cut with all available speed. You're beginning to look like Kelly Clarkson.
K: I am also slowly but surely losing the gift of sight.
*Recorded at the house, Stockport, 1/1/06*
K: See, this is the thing. Although I do win a hundred quid on the Premium Bonds, I don't invest it. It just goes straight into my bank account and I piss it away on Coke. Or Coke it away on piss, whichever way you look at it.
*Recorded just outside Dave's house, Stockport, 13/1/06*
*K, B and TM are talking about B's desire to upgrade his computer*
TM: You could get a laptop.
B: Dave, he mentioned the 'L' word.
K: Lorries?
TM: Lesbians?
K: Now, which of those would you prefer?
B: Y'see, a lesbian is a woman who will never shag me. I don't see the point.
*pause whilst K stares at him*
B: I think I may have just handed in my pass at the men's club.
*Recored in Dave's house, Stockport, 14/1/06*
*K, B and TM are watching darts; there is a post-match interview with a player who did particularly poorly and is making excuses*
K: Why doesn't he just say, 'I was shite, give me beer'?
*Recorded in Simon's house, Stoke-on-Trent, 14/1/06*
*K, B and TM are playing cards when there is a small noise*
B: Did someone's phone just go off?
*pause*
TM: No, I farted.
*Recorded in Simon's house, Stoke-on-Trent, 14/1/06*
*Bonus scene during credits for House fans only*
[Begin Spoiler for Season 2 House; events vaguely described from episode "The Mistake" up to and including "Distractions" - Highlight to view]
*Channel Five, who show House on terrestrial TV in Britain, have been running ads for it*
*each one is a close-up of one of the character's faces with the caption 'What price
*up to this point, B has identified House's ('What price genius?'), Foreman's ('What price ambition?'), Chase's ('What price approval?') and Cameron's ('What price devotion?')*
*TM is flipping through the Saturday Times magazine and finds House ads which B has not seen*
B: There's a Cuddy! <'What price honesty?'> That means there's a Wilson!
*tries to think*
B: What price...
K: GAY?!
*Recorded in Simon's house, Stoke-on-Trent, 14/1/06*
